I have no doubt that the hardships Proscovia has had to endure in prison; the primitive living conditions, food restrictions, rats, having no visitors and so on pale in comparison to the pain and guilt that she suffers being away from her daughter. Even if you can't empathize with someone who has made the choice to traffic drugs, and the consequences that they must live with as a result, I suspect that you can at least feel for the child that has been left behind to suffer a different kind of sentence...growing up without a parent.
Nicole was about 7 when her mother left Uganda and never returned. I don't know exactly when, but shortly before that she also lost her grandmother, Proscovia's mother. Contact with her father has always been sporadic. Since her mother left she has lived with her great uncle and his family. She has plenty of company as her uncle has five children, but I'm sure playmates are little consolation when your mother is not around and you don't understand why.
Proscovia can use the phone to call Nicole once every two weeks for 5 minutes, that is when she can afford phone cards. You can imagine how pricey they are when you're calling Uganda, and difficult to afford when you are living on 50 cents a day. Sometimes Nicole isn't there when she calls and those times are particularly tough. Yearning to hear her daughter's voice only to discover that she isn't there, and then to have to wait another two weeks to try again must be torture.
When I first arrived and asked about Nicole, Proscovia told me that it had been difficult to connect with her over the months and described Xmas as a "disaster" as she couldn't reach her. Sometimes she calls Nicole at school and her teacher kindly acts as a go-between which has led to more success. She told me about a recent call during which Nicole didn't have much interest in talking to her, and how worried she was that her daughter was drifting away from her. The next time they spoke though Nicole talked about her worries about not doing well in school, and about how her father had been threatening to take her out. Proscovia reassured her that her father didn't mean it and encouraged her to keep at it. Although Proscovia was certainly sorry to hear that Nicole was struggling, she was also happy that her daughter was feeling close enough to confide in her. Her worries about their attachment would be held at bay for at least a little while longer.
During one of my visits this week, Proscovia shared that she had been having a tough day, which you could see on her face. She had just finished writing a letter to a friend which had made her quite emotional as part of it was about Nicole. We only scratched the surface of her feelings that day though as there was such good news to talk about with me meeting the Big Kahuna. Not surprisingly Proscovia is always more than willing to focus on good news rather than the sad stuff.
A day later I typed out that handwritten letter to send off to her friend (who I also know). Reading her thoughts made me feel so guilty about not focusing more on how she was feeling that day as it was obvious how much she was hurting. It made me emotional even writing it, so I can only imagine how she felt.
I want to share an excerpt from Proscovia's letter with you to highlight who she is as a person and mother as well as the tragedy of her mistake. Nicole will likely not see her mother until she is already a grown woman given that Proscovia has another 12 years to serve.
And Proscovia is not alone. I can guarantee that 99% of the women in her jail are mothers; meaning their children are growing up without them. Some have shorter sentences but those convicted of drug trafficking (and there are many) have sentences of 16.5 years. So that means a whole childhood for some of these children. In Nepal children often end up in orphanages when their mother goes to jail as extended family can't financially provide for them. PA Nepal is one NGO in Kathmandu that cares for such children and where Basecamp sends volunteers to assist with childcare.
And so in a little hellhole of a prison in Nepal, a mother is worried about her daughter's education, future, and is doing what she can to show her love and support from thousands of miles away. And this mother is the drug trafficker that many people think should just rot in the worst of conditions...to learn a lesson. You tell me, does this sound like a person that you'd want to wish that on?
Nicole is fine, this year she's in the upper primary level. She needs me a lot, talking to her is all I can do. I wish to request you a favour. Around November she'll be doing her final exams. Kindly send her success cards, from you, me and Kathy. For mine, could you write "From Mummy-Nicole you are a very special girl and deserve the best results with flying colours. My daughter I'm proud of you, I think and pray for you always. I miss you..love Mummy."
I have a lot more to write but the tears keep coming. I can't stick to it. "Flying colours" is a term that excites children or candidates back home.I recall when I was in this class, how my mother was there for me, I truly can't describe myself...What Nicole feels? It's a tough time for me emotionally. I wish to talk to her often. I hope she'll perform well. The last year she was not performing well, it's indeed worrisome. Please don't mind that I'm sharing with you but I feel better that at least I've got my friends to share these situations and you're making me happy in the toughest of moments helping me to persevere. I'm grateful...
I have no more words, only tears, for a bad decision made by a good person; a person who will continue to suffer for many more years, and whose child will suffer even more.
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