Education is Key

Last night I went to a birthday party for Shiva at the place where he worships (when he is in Winnipeg, which isn't often). I kinda figured he was celebrating a big number but knew that he would never advertise it. He didn't even want people to know that it was his birthday.

So part of the Indian wedding crew went, with Jose and I arriving first. Arriving minutes before the program started I was in a rush to get in, bounding up the stairs to get in and seated. Well leave it to me to almost commit an embarrassing faux pas by number one, not taking my shoes off before entering, and two, nearly going through the men's door. It felt like I was in India again with those kinds of rituals to be mindful of. I wasn't thinking that I would need to do that in Winnipeg.

So down I sat in the chairs arranged on the women's side. Jose went off to sit on the men's. Shiva was sitting on the floor in the middle and was decked out in a traditional robe similar to what the guys wore for the wedding. It was great to see him after so long..his smile is so bright!

In front of us was a big picture of the man they worship, whose most recognizable feature is his wild afro. The music and chanting started and I took it all in. Diana and Sanjeev arrived sometime after with Diana coming over to my side and Sanjeev going to join Jose.. I was actually enjoying the songs until Diana read the board at the front and told me that we were on song 7 of 15. I have to admit that I said a "FML" to myself at that point :)

A woman behind us then handed us one of the books where you can follow along with the chants. Lovely I thought, now we can sing along with them! Not! Bless her heart, each song the lady next to me would take the book and flip to the right page for us. What a great help she was :) Finally Shiva, his wife and daughter got up and waved some candles around during a song so that added some excitement. And then the songs were over..phew.

It was at this point that we learnt that it was actually Shiva's 60th birthday.His wife came up to the mic and emceed the rest of the program which included several speeches about Shiva. It is because of the stories that I am writing today as his story is truly an inspiration and speaks to how education is the number one thing that can change one's life.. and dramatically at that. It also speaks to how far motivation and perserverance can take a person.

As Shiva and I were travelling through Northern Karnataka he told me his life story so a lot of what I heard that night wasn't new. But I am the type that always loses the details of stories leaving me with only the gist. So the speeches were a nice refresher of an amazing success story that I would like to share with you.

Shiva was born in a small, remote village in Northern Karnataka, India. The village was described in the speeches as the most backward of the backward. We're talking primitive conditions. His parents were both orphans and labourers. The family was very poor and there was typically little food. Hunger was the norm, and even having clothing was rare. There were many children with Shiva being one of the youngest. At 5 he was left at home to care for his 2 younger siblings (2 and 1) while his parents worked in the fields. Can you imagine a 5 year old feeding, bathing and caring for 2 toddlers? Well at that age Shiva figured out that if he took them to the village school they could get milk (from powder) that they would give to the children. He wasn't there to go to school, only as a means to get milk. Sometime later he decided that he too wanted to go to school, which as a bonus provided meals, and so he went, along with his siblings, to school.

I should add that at the age of 5 Shiva was married off to a girl of the same age. This is very common in villages in India, even today. It wasn't as if they would truly be married as in "his bride" coming to live with him and his family with them eventually being man and wife. But it was set for the future with there most likely being some economic significance to the reunion. Well a year later Shiva's bride died, which Shiva has said, saved him from having to provide for her the rest of his life. It was of course a sad ending for her, but freedom for him.

Then as a young child his father died. I don't know exactly when but it happened some time around the time he was to go to high school, which his village did not have. Kids this age would need to pay to attend a boarding school somewhere else in the State if they wanted to go further with their education, and his family, especially now without his father, certainly couldn't afford that.

At his father's funeral was a priest that had come from another village. Despite just losing his father, Shiva saw this priest and took it as an opportunity for freedom..an education. In India as a sign of great respect for someone you touch their feet. Well Shiva not only touched his feet, it was said that he grabbed on to them begging the priest to take him with him so he could go to school. He didn't let go until the priest agreed. His mother certainly couldn't say no to the priest and so despite I'm sure, it being a further hardship for her, she let him go.

For years he lived with the priest, who Shiva told me, treated him well, as he continued his education. After leaving the priest's home, he continued on in boarding schools where he secured scholarships to attend. Fellow classmates would give him extra food as what he received just wasn't enough. Because he hadn't had the formal education that others had, and had never had formal English education he also struggled academically, but received help from others in that area too. He learnt over time that he excelled in math so ventured off into the stream of statistics. He got a Bachelors, Masters, then was chosen to attend a speciailized demography program in Mumbai. Only a couple handful of students in India were chosen for this program and he was one of them after travelling to Mumbai to meet with the admissions person, essentially convincing him that he was the right person to choose). He was later chosen for an internship in Europe and later a PHd in Canada, all of which he got into, and/or got scholarships for, because of his determination, persistence and drive. He told me stories about going back so many times to try and convince an admissions person, and I can't remember which program, that he was essentially told not to return again to the point the secretary was notified not to let him in again. Did he listen? Absolutely not, and eventually that person relented, took a chance and let him into the program. I believe that was for his Masters, and the rest is history.

After getting his Phd, he became a professor at the U of M and in 5 years became a full professor. After years in the Sociology department he transferred over to the Faculty of Medicine where he has since found his niche. I've written about it before, but Shiva has since spearheaded multi million dollar programs in India related to HIV prevention, diagnosis and treatment, with the most marginalized population, sex workers, with funding by huge organizations like the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. He has travelled the world lecturing and offering his expertise and is nationally and internationally rrecognized. He now spends most of his time in India working on this project, as well as tons of others, including girls schools, cold storage to help poor farmers, and on and on. He puts in his own money for projects, raises money from others, connects people to facilitate other humanitarian projects and on and on. This man works tirelessly for the good of humanity.

And why this is so incredible is that he is the only one of his siblings who is literate never mind becoming a citizen of a country such as Canada and achieving the professional success he has. I visited his sister's village and home when I was travelling with him so saw firsthand where he came from, and what his life could have been. A rural life of farming to survive, with barely enough to do so. His sister produces onions which she sells to support herself. Animals being raised inside the home. No running water or plumbing. One light bulb used sparingly to light the home when absolutely needed. An open fire to cook in the home, coating one's lungs with smoke leading to respiratory problems and worse. A hard, hard life, with not much to look forward to and enjoy.

Shiva has not forgotten his roots, and how fortunate he was to have secured another life for himself. He has helped endless members of his family in various ways, one being education, knowing firsthand that that is the key to a better life. Despite his success and personal wealth he has great difficulty spending money on himself and is very frugal with his own. In India he probably lives on $2 a day. How he grew up is clearly never far from his mind.

I think his story is simply incredible; miraculous actually. That a man from such an impoverished and disadvantaged background could accomplish so much. When we talk and I hear about his life today, that I am so envious of, with his ability to travel the world, working on amazing projects, having cars and drivers, guesthouses to stay in and connections to incredible people and organizations, I try not to say to him, how lucky he is. Because when you know his story and how he got to where he is today, it really wasn't about luck. It truly was about his persistence,determination, and hard work to name a few of his fine qaulities. He deserves everything that he has, because HE made it happen, luck didn't.

Last Visits

Today was my last visit at the prison and not something I was looking forward to. As I often say, reunions are beautiful but goodbyes are a bitch.

On my last day with nothing to lose I strolled in like I owned the place, drifting effortlessly from one line to another and just asking any guard if I could go see Surendra. Luckily I got the classic head roll (which by the way I now expertly do myself) and off I went.

Looking squeaky clean as usual with a black t-shirt that showed off his many tattoos (and results of his daily morning workouts if you know what I mean), baggy jeans with a Diesel black studded belt and sneakers, Surendra was lookin good. I imagine my dad looking Surendra-ish when he was young as he too had a reputation for being a bad boy. Perhaps not to the same degree, but you can see where my liking for the bad boy types comes from :)

Anyway, shortly into our visit a woman came by to get Surendra as he had been called to go see the Jailer. He felt bad about leaving me alone and wanted to at least bring me a drink but I passed on the pop today after too many the night before (the pop just may have had a little something extra in it) :) I could tell that he didn't like the fact that I wasn't having something as he liked to be a good host. And he wasn't the only host in the bunch either. While I was sitting and waiting for Surendra, another inmate/guard who I knew from 2009 (also in for murder) came and offered me a drink as well. Not what you'd expect from "hardened criminals."

So there I sat on this beautiful day, reading a book in this lovely, peaceful prison environment. Quite an oxymoron isn't it..

After awhile I was almost ready to leave and head over to see Proscovia when Surendra returned looking a bit tense. This is a good time to note my observation that Indian/Nepalese people use the word "tension" instead of "stress." They also have the expression "don't take tension" which I love as it implies that one has the choice whether to get stressed out or not. I plan on trying it out once I'm back at work to see if it keeps the ol' blood pressure down and me calm in stressful situations!

Anyway back to Surendra...

Let me acknowledge in advance what you have probably already been thinking...that I can AT TIMES be a naive, gullible girl, who always wants to believe people. I say this because it is now clear that Surendra is still very much connected to his old ties and that this is probably never going to change. The story goes that good ol' Surendra did a little business recently for someone who was having some problems securing a land title. By making some calls (from prison) he was able to fix things and the land was theirs within days. For this he was to be paid 1 lakh Nepali rupees ($1250 Cdn). The cause for the tension was that he was supposed to receive his money that day but had just got word that they were only forwarding 10,000 rupees ($120)with the rest to come. He wasn't happy as he felt that he had done his part whereas they weren't being honest and were yanking his chain so to speak. What I also learnt from this conversation was that he hadn't gone to see the Jailer, but rather another prison staff, someone probably pretty high up, who is his "staff" and connection to the outside. The money would be delivered to this person who would pass it on to him. Craziness I tell ya!

I asked him what he was going to do with 1 lakh as that is a lot of money in Nepal. Well it sounds like he`ll buy some new shoes, jeans and anything else he wants. He also told me that he could call me in Canada as "money is not an issue." I didn't leave my number though as judging from how many times he called me in Nepal I could have had a lot of calls coming my way. And before you start thinking anything crazy..it is simply boredom that led to all the calls, nothing more.

Being the level headed, responsible social worker that I am, I expressed concern about him maintaining his old connections and being involved in criminal activities once he is out, relating it back to our previous conversation and his own worries about ending up back in jail. This time he talked honestly and realistically about his plans upon release saying that "his people" would finance him, and give him the means to start some type of business once out. There will be no 'job' for Surendra, and by that I mean working for someone else. Instead he's going to try and make a business for himself, he's not sure what yet, and if the business doesn`t fly, then that's just what he'll do. That led to a reminder about the deal we have about me owing him a drink in Canada :)

I told him that I had been asking around about Deepak (I actually had drinks with someone the night before who was tight with Deepak and could arrange a meeting, but you'll be happy to know that I declined). I`ve learned that Deepak isn`t much of a gangster anymore and that he now has enough money that he can dabble around in politics. Greeeaaat. So essentially there are no gangs controlling Thamel anymore which means that it's only the police that the illegal businesses have to pay off now. Double greeeeaaaat.

That got Surendra talking about his `brother" Raju who is the big boss of his gang and Deepak's old rival. Apparently Raju is now is a member of Congress in Nepal. Boy is just keeps gettin better doesn't it? The fact that gangsters are running this country is a pretty good indicator as to why my hair looks like crap some days. Let me explain...

Most people probably don't know that Nepal has major power outages, called load shedding, which at their worst are up to 16 hours per day. In case you have trouble with math as I do, this means that at times there is only power for 8 hours a day, with many of those hours in the middle of the night when you don't need power anyway. Can you imagine how you would function under these conditions, never mind a country! Thankfully there is a schedule as to when there will be no power although it isn't always accurate and is always changing.

I remember load shedding being a shock to the system when I first got to Nepal in 2009. Even though I had probably read about it in the orientation manual, I had no idea what it would mean in terms of day to day life. Living in a house with 10 other people is challenging enough without there being power issues as well. We ate by candlelight, washed dishes by candlelight and at times showered by candlelight. With no TV in the house and no internet we were forced to sit and talk to eachother. Imagine that! It was so much apart of life that over time we simply adjusted. In the end I think it became one of the most endearing experiences we had in Nepal and one that we would never forget.

So this time I expected it, and for the most part have rolled with it, with perhaps the exception being my hair. Last time I had long hair so having no power wasn't so much a big deal. This time having the ol' Boy Cut has been much more of a liability because drying and straightening it is pretty much a necessity. Otherwise it looks God awful. So in the morning before I even open my eyes, I reach over and check to see if the lights work. If they're on I bolt out of bed and into the shower to get the routine on the go, most importantly drying and straightening. Sometimes I make it, and other times not even close. Since I've been here this time I've had the lights go out in the shower (which leads to a FML comment), other times while I'm drying my hair (likely to produce a FML if I've just started) aaaand other times when I am just about to straighten it. I usually refrain from the FML on these occasions as my hair is at least dry and not prone to as much curly frizz. So anyway it can be a challenge for a girl who is hair vain, but more importantly you can imagine how difficult it is for a country (and economy) to function on such little power. The laundry places in Thamel charge twice as much if you want your clothes the same day as it means they have to use a generator when the power is out. Shops that don't have batteries to keep the lights going don't do much business once it is dark as there is no light to draw people in. And on and on...It has huge implications for business. I learned this time that Nepal actually has the 2nd most hydro electric power capacity in the world next to Brazil, but with the political situation as it is (think Deepak and Raju) their resources haven't been developed. Quite a sad situation really and not one that will be easily rectified.

Well that surely was the biggest tangent ever out of any of my blogs! Back to Surendra..given that we had ventured into the topic of shady business, I took the opportunity to ask him what kind of criminal activities the gangs were into. He told me that the Nepali gangsters aren't into human or drug trafficking, and instead are involved in things like real estate schemes and smuggling. He gave an example of his peeps smuggling a type of wood (something more valuable than sandalwood) from India to China from which they apparently made millions of rupees.

As I said it's clear that Surendra will still be involved in some of these activities once he is out, but according to him it will be indirectly. His name and connections are probably his greatest assets which is evident by the "work" he can do even from prison. He gave me another example of an "auntie" of his who has asked for his help to get some money back that she has lent someone. He told me that if he agreed to help he would send some people to meet the person and have him sign a document signing over certain property to the auntie if he didn't pay up. Not surprisingly Surendra didn't focus on the fact that violence could be used to elicit some cooperation but I'm no dummy, that's clearly possible. So whether he is in or out of prison he would be the person making the calls, utilizing his connections and making things happen. I told him again that I worried about this and that he could end up back in jail quite easily if he continued with the gangster lifestlyle. But there's nothing more that I can do..the rest is up to him.

That led me to ask him how a boy who looked so sweet and innocent in the picture that I saw, got invovled with gangs and this lifestlyle. He told me that when he was in college (I was wrong about his education as I previously wrote that he only had grade 10) he met a lot of people, and clearly some who were bad influences. For years he pretty much stayed away from home partyin er' up. Then at one point it sounds like he was apart of a big brawl which got him a reputation and the rest is history. What's the lesson in this parents? Don't send your kids to college! Haha just kidding of course! But it goes to show that it doesn't take much for a kid to take the wrong path in life because from what I have seen and heard, Surendra comes from a good, hard working family.

Then when he was about 19 the murder happened after which he fled to India and went into hiding for a few months. Turns out he's been to Bangalore! Three months after returning to Nepal he was arrested and has been in prison ever since after receiving a 20 year sentence. I asked him if any of his "brothers" have ended up in jail along with him, and apart from one guy who had a small case years ago, he's been the only one. He hopes that his boyz will be there for him when he gets out but will have to wait and see.

Surendra told me that he had enjoyed our visits and was clearly disappointed that I was leaving. He hadn't had many visitors since his last girlfriend went and got married which makes for some boring days. As I already mentioned he talked a lot about me coming back when he is out and showing me the real Kathmandu. By the sounds of it we would have the red carpet rolled out for us with cars arranged and such. I joked with him that I wasn't sure I wanted to be a part of that given there could be a target on his back, but he didn't seem concerned (probably because we'd have protection if you know what I mean). Anyway, it sounds like he really hopes for a chance to be able to hang out with a friend on the outside one day. He also mentioned that if I wasn't leaving he could have arranged a day outing where we could have gone to eat somewhere, in a low profile location of course, to talk freely and just hang out. He's allowed these kinds of outings as part of his guard facilities (privileges) which he told me could be arranged within 15 minutes. Well with me leaving the day after next that wouldn't be happening this time. But he is definitey looking forward to my next visit which he hopes will be next year when he is out. We'll see about that...

With a genuine hug between friends of 3 years, I said goodbye to Surendra, my Nepali gangster buddy. I know it is really hard for people to understand why I would want anything to do with a murderer, gangster and inmate. Part of it is what he teaches me about things that fascinate me, part is his personality and charm as he is really great to talk to, and I think the other is my ability to seperate people from their crime, which I feel is only one aspect of who they are. I know Surendra has and will likely continue to do some bad things, whch I don't agree with. But there are some good things about him too, one being that he has been only a gentleman and good friend to me. I never like the idea of losing contact with people that I connect with or care about, maybe because of the losses I've had in my life, who I am as a person, or a bit of both. Surendra is one person that I include in this category as he has been someone memorable in my life, and I hope to follow his to know how it turns out. And now that I have this blog, I'll be sure to share it with all of you!

After that goodbye I headed over to Proscovia's prison where the usual group of Debbie Downer guards sat doing nothing as usual. Seeing their miserable faces is enough to make anyone depressed I tell ya. As per usual it was super busy and loud so I could tell right away that it was going to be a short visit.

Proscovia appeared showing off a lavender coloured tank which she knew I would love as it had been mine. I was happy to see that it fit and that she liked it but told her that she better scarf 'er up cuz she was hanging out all over the place and that kind of thing doesn't fly in Nepal!

Once the smile from her greeting faded I could see the sadness and anxiety in her face. I don't remember seeing that before, at least to this degree. I knew we wouldn't have much time so started to show her a few last things that I had brought, including some more clothes. She shared her own gifts for me as well; knitted items that she had been working on since my arrival including slippers, and my favourite, a bouquet of brightly coloured wool flowers which will brighten up my office at work and remind me of her and our friendship.

Back to my bag..I pulled out her favourite grape drink that she was getting for the last time, a savoury chicken roll from Hot Breads Bakery, flip flops that I had fixed for her, and some postcards for her to send to Nicole and her uncle at some point. There was also a card for her. I had gone looking for a card to leave for her, wanting something inspirational to give her strength in the future when she was feeling low. Well would you believe in a little store in Kathmandu I found a postcard with a picture of Nelson Mandela! On it I noted that Mandela himself had spent 27 years in prison and that for much of that time he had only received one visitor and one letter every 6 months. I also wrote that I hoped seeing his face, remembering his will to survive and all that he accomplished afer his release would give her the strength to persevere as well.

Judging by her reaction I think that this card may have been the most important gift that I gave Proscovia during my time there. Seeing his face on that postcard immediately brought tears to her eyes that just wouldn't stop. I don't know what was going through her mind as she couldn't talk, and I too was moved to tears seeing her emotion. We didn't have to say anyting though really; I think it was obvious that it brought to the surface the reality of her situation, so similar to what a great man went through, a man that has meant so much to Africa, the world, and I suspect, her.

There really wasn't much of a visit otherwise as it was so short and we had business to tend to. She had written many letters and postcards for me to send for her, to Nicole, her uncle, and Basecamp friends. I told her that I would send Nicole something from her along with the letter, as well as letters of encouragement before her exams, both which led to a big smile.

As per usual the guard called her last name "Kasumba!!" when our time was up and which Proscovia tried to ignore, also as per usual. The calls continued and got more impatient so we finally relented and made our way out to have the dreaded goodbye. The guard let us hug but it wasn't long and drawn out and instead more like a bandaid being pulled off fast rather than slow.

After that I had to stand and wait for her many letters to be read while she stood behind the gate trying to talk as long as she could. The guards seemed uncomfortable with me hanging around and eventualy ushered me out without the letters. And just like that she was out of sight..for how long, I don't know. I walked down the dirt road alone with my thoughts and back to security to pick up her letters. I had no idea where the letters had gone or why as I had never had to do this before. Before long my Didi appeared with the letters marked "ok" in red, evidence they had been checked by someone. I was happy to have found the letters as nobody had been able to explain to me what was going on. I was also happy to see her before I left. I told her in Nepali that I was leaving the next day and I'm pretty sure that she responded with a "good journey" more or less :) And while snacking on some popcorn that she had picked up while on the errand, she and her escort, a female police guard, strolled back to the jail.

After picking up my belongings for the last time I walked out of the Nepali prison where two of my friends live. I don't know when, but I will for sure be back, and I already can't wait!

The pictures below were taken in 2009 (as you can tell from my hair) :) and include the entrance to the prison as well as a picture of Surendra and I. He looks a lot different now but this will at least  give you a visual!

More Prison Education

Every time I go to the prison I learn more and more and I love it!

Today I walked up and saw the same huge group of people outside that I had seen last time. This time I realized that it was actually a line up that I had unknowingly bypassed last time. Oops! But with only two visits left and minimal risk of having my visiting privileges cut, in addition to the guards now knowing me, today I confidently walked past the long line up and with a "dai" (meaning brother and a sign of respect) and a gesture to the guard that I wanted to go through, I easily slipped through. I felt no guilt. I then walked past the huge line of women waiting to go through to security and with another "dai" and perhaps a little smile, slipped into that line as well. Maybe I shouldn't be advertising this, but I felt no guilt about that either :)

The stars were aligned today because I after that I ran into the guard who had arranged the first visit with Surendra. I figured there was no harm in asking so did just that, asked if I could go see him again. I had called Surendra at the jail that morning to let him know that I was coming and to watch for me because I wasn't confident they would let me go on my own. The guard told me that Surendra had already come by looking for me, then picked up his walkie talkie and within seconds Surendra was there to pick me up. As we walked away I got another "don't stay too long" from the guard which I'm pretty sure is just for show as there is never any follow up to their warnings. Well two can play that game so I said "yah sure" and we were on our way for a visit that was surely not going to be short.

Once at the private visiting area Surendra dusted off my seat for me before I sat. It is these little things that I find so interesting; meaning this cold blooded murderer's human side. He is kind, caring, well mannered, well spoken, and a good conversationalist. I so enjoy chatting with him and over some Pringle chips and pop we did just that.

Not surprisingly we talked a lot about prisons given that I'm fascinated with them and he of course lives in one. Beyond that though, Surendra has his own curiosities about prisons and likes to watch prison movies so he can see the differences in prisons in the West. What he sees may not be completely accurate of course but he knows enough to know that there are big differences, especially in terms of drugs and violence which are such big problems in the West. He told me that when foreigners first come to prison there they are pretty uptight and act tough as they expect that the prison environment to be conflictual and violent. But then within a couple days they realize that it is actually a peaceful environment which is friendly, helpful, and like a brotherhood. These are Surendra's words not mine, but from what I have seen and heard over the years I would agree.

That led to me asking his thoughts on why there is such a difference between the prison system in Nepal versus the West. His take is that in the Nepali system the inmates run the prison which inmates respond to as it's a whole lot better than having to listen to the police. I would also add that in Nepal there seems to be an investment in keeping the environment peaceful and clean (in terms of drugs and such). Not to say that there haven't been incidents of violence, but they seem to be rare. Drugs aren't common either and Surendra, a guy that you would think would be all over using drugs in prison given his lifestyle and to cope with being locked up, told me that they don't want drugs inside. If someone is found with drugs they could be beaten after which they receive a punishment of 1-2 months of confinement as well as duties such as cleaning toilets. Surendra feels that it isn't the beatings that will change the behaviour, but rather the humiliation that inmates respond to. And remember that the punishments are doled out by the inmates and not the police as the inmates are the ones responsible for the functioning of the prison.

I also asked about sexual activity/violence in Nepal as in Western prisons there is a lot of sexual violence and need to protect vulnerable individuals as a result. Relationships between inmates are also common between inmates, including transgendered inmates who end up being partners of men who on the outside are straight. They deny being gay but explain it being a way of coping in jail. I should add that this information is courtesy of Lockup, my favourite TV show where they tour US prisons while interviewing staff and prisoners. Best show ever..check it out!!! Surendra said that this is simply not a part of their culture. He told me about a male inmate who he described as "a female inside" (which impressed me) that they transferred to the women's jail when the guards realized that she was psychologically a woman. In almost 10 years in prison that's the only such case that he was aware of.

I'm not going to present the Nepali prison system as perfect because it's far from it. There is so much corruption it's ridiculous, differential treatment depending on how much money you have and/or who you know, inadequate prison conditions/basic care of inmates. But in terms of general functioning, level of violence, unrest/conflict between inmates and guards, drugs and need for security, in my opinion the Nepali prison system is far superior to the West.

You might not care why I think the way I do, or for a more in-depth analysis of the Nepali prison system, but sorry, you're going to get it anyway! To me, part of it is culture as respect is paramount in Nepali culture and unlike English is built into their language; meaning there are different ways of speaking to someone younger or older and/or deserving of greater respect. Nepalese use the term brother/sister when speaking to or even referring to another person regardless of their position in society, feelings toward them etc. It's expected within their culture so the same goes in prison; respect is there.

There are also no race issues to contend with in Nepal; a major factor in the conflict and violence in the West. And as already mentioned the whole system of inmates running the prison seems to make a huuuge difference. I'm not sure whether a similar model could work in the West because of a variety of issues too long to get into here, but it might not be a bad idea to try it out in a low risk setting. Amber, why don't you propose it to Vinnie for a trial in Prince Albert?? :)

We also talked about gangs in Kathmandu given that Surendra has the inside scoop being a gangster himself. Years ago when I supervised the best unit ever at Metis, we called ourselves G-Unit cuz we were a bunch of wannabe gangsters (who were pretty much as far from it as possible). Well, this guy is the real deal. He's from Patan which is across the bridge from Kathmandu and more developed. Patan is also his gang's territory. We got talking about Thamel which is the tourist area in Kathmandu where I live and he told me that he when he was out he couldn't really come to Thamel as it is controlled by a rival gang with the leader being a guy named Deepak. Like the brothel area that I wrote about in India, there are lots of illegal dance bars, massage parlours and brothels in Thamel (where there are tourists, there are "services"). And just like in India the owners of these establishments have to pay the gangs and the police to stay open as well as for protection.

Surendra told me that occasionally he would come to Thamel during the day but never at night for his own safety. But one night he was with a girl who wanted to check out a bar in Thamel, he agreed and went with her after he had been drinking and with no weapon for protection. Well, sure enough, he had barely ordered a drink when he was attacked by rival gang members. Luckily the police showed up and he was able to get home without being more seriously injured. He told me that once home and not thinking rationally as he had been drinking he wanted to grab a weapon and return to retaliate. But his parents showed up, saw him all bloodied and prevented him from leaving.

He also talked about a time in 2003 or 2004 (whatever year Italy won the World Cup he said) when one of Deepak's right hand men ended up in jail. He was none too friendly to Surendra apparently, always staring him down nastily. Well, the tension built and one day a fight broke out between them. Surendra told me that he beat him with a table leg (showing me a table leg of where we were sitting as an example), and breaking his leg in the process. Apparently there were no further issues after that. But that said, he knows that he will have to watch out for this rival gang when he gets out. He has heard that there are plans for retaliation against him,and knows it is quite possible.

Perhaps it's not the best time to mention that Surendra very much wants to show me "the real Kathmandu" when he is out and I return. The good news is that I am welcome to bring friends!! Care to join?? And no worries, I think we'll stay clear of Thamel just to be safe.....literally!. :)

Chillin with Surendra

Sorry but I'm back to prison stories; as you can tell they're one of my favourite things to write about!

I walked to the prison with purpose today, to burn some calories! Nepal is turning me into a Fatty Patty pretty quick given that unlike India I'm not walking much and instead am visiting and eating all the time it seems.

So I selected some fast music on the ol' Ipod and away I went motoring despite being in flip flops. I wonder how my feet are going to handle being in closed shoes again after 5 months in sandals? The broken toe still isn't healed either so it could be a problem. Anyhoo, I'm off topic yet again..

Power walking is a real challenge in Nepal I have to say given that Nepali people are the sloooowest walking people I've ever encountered! A Nepali friend told me that it's because they have short legs, which is kinda true, but I still don't buy it as I do too and I can walk pretty darn fast. On the contrary the Nepalese saunter as if they have absolutely nowhere to go (for the next month) and it drives me batttty!!

As I walked I couldn't help but feel like I was in some Super Mario Brothers video game (showing my age there I know), winding around the slowpokes while at the same time dodging bicycles, taxis and rickshaws, people carrying things (almost got impaled when one guy came around a corner), then on to the sidewalk which is ever worse as there is even less space to manouver..up, down, up, down, from the street to the sidewalk I went. I'm sure I totally messed with their "system" as their pace is all exactly the same, tortoise.

Arriving at the prison I saw tons of people standing around and I thought, holy crap, I'm not staying if the crowds are worse than last time! But turns out those people were just hanging around outside and only a few people were actually in line. Phew! Then just as I got into the security line which only had a few women, I heard "bideshi" again from the same guard and a motion to go on to security. Rock on!! After that the process was smooth as silk.

When I strolled over to get stamped the guard didn't give me back my slip and instead motioned for me to go into the next room. There I found a room full of police and yep, they wanted me to come in and hang. So funny. So I sat and chatted with the boyz for a bit. The second in command was there and I think was trying to set me up with the guard that I had made friends with the first day. He pointed out that he was a good looking guy and asked what I thought of Nepali guys/police. I skirted around those questions easily by saying that some were ok and then focusing again on what witches the women were :) I was told that they're jealous of me.."because you're beauty." Seriously, can't we all just get along girls??

Thankfully I was saved by my buddy Surendra who must have been tipped off that I was there. I had planned to ask the boyz if I could go and visit him but then didn't need to as he showed up and asked for me. They had probably hoped for a longer chat but agreed and off I went!

And what a great visit we had! First out came the drinks which again he wouldn't let me pay for. He said that they were his treat here and that when he comes to Canada that it will be my turn. I was thinking, okay my friend, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I won't need to hold up my end of the bargain on that one!

We had a really good talk after that and I have to say that he really impressed me. Compared to 3 years ago he seems to have really matured. He talked with emotion about the nearly 10 years he had wasted in jail (which he described as a whole generation..pretty sure he meant decade) and how he had done nothing with his life. He turns 32 on May 26th. He quit drinking and has earned the trust of the guards with his good behaviour. There is a light at the end of the tunnel for him; only 11 more months to go (he only has to serve 10 years of his 20 year sentence) and he doesn't want anything to mess with that. He also realizes that his good behaviour has to continue once he gets out otherwise he will end up back in prison for another decade. He knows he is getting a second chance.

Surendra also knows that once released he will be watched closely by police, I thought because of who he killed. But it seems that it has more to do with his connections and the things they think he was involved with, and perhaps still now. In fact the head of police had been there that day which he believes was because of him. So Surendra stayed inside until he left. He was also asked for a copy of his ID which he believes is in preparation for when he gets out. Well I can tell you that I saw his ID and he was like 15 in the picture so I'm pretty sure it's not going to be of any help to them! He looked like such a sweet, innocent boy in the picture with a Newari hat. It was hard to believe that it was the same person, and that the boy in the picture's life could turn into what it had. Sad really.

Surendra told me that once out he would have to be super careful as he could easily be framed. He gave me an example that if one is caught with a revolver, the police can lay a bogus and more serious charge of possession of brown sugar (heroin). A charge like that could lead to another 10 year sentence and he certainly has no desire to lose another decade of his life.

All prisoners want out and have every intention of not coming back so Surendra's words were of no surprise. But I felt sincerity in what he was saying, in that he knows it is time to grow up, be responsible and try and make a life for himself. I asked him what he thought he could do workwise, as that will be one of the keys to him being successful I'm sure. He only has a 10th grade education but with his English could do something legit in Nepal with all its tourists. He offered up driving or sales as jobs that he thought he could do.

But coming to Canada is also in his thoughts. Call me a Debbie Downer but I felt that he needed to know that it may not be an option; mainly because of his criminal record, and secondly because Canada isn't too generous on the visa front. I know this firsthand, and have heard from many Nepalese as well that it is hard for them to secure visas to Canada compared to places like the UK and Australia.

Surendra had no such concerns though. He still has a passport (kinda scary huh?) and said that in Asia anything is possible; meaning with his connections, fake documents and such, that he can do it. I know you must be thinking, give your head a shake Crystal, listen to him and his criminal mind! Well, actually that's the norm here and everyone does it. Making fake documents seems to be a pretty essential part of the process if you want to do anything from getting a bank loan to getting out of the country. His family is currently paying big bucks to try and get his brother a visa to Canada so he knows about that process, but in true Surendra style he figures that marrying a Canadian girl is the way to go. You'll be happy to know that I've already made it clear that I will not be doing that for him :) I did offer up my friend Alison, who he quite likes, as an option though. So Alison-ji, if you're interested hit me up! :)

He does have connections though; that is very obvious. As we were chatting someone dropped off a stack of movies that he had ordered. I took a look and amongst some action flicks, found Beyonce, Rihanna and Katy Perry DVDs! I was laughing to myself about his choice in music until it clicked that they were music videos. Good ol' Surendra has great taste after all.

The movies are an example of how connected he is though and how he can pretty much get whatever he wants despite being in prison. Being a guard certainly gets him some of these privileges, but so does paying off the Jailer. I asked him what that looked like; meaning how does one pay off the Jailer, and with what? Just call me Lisa Ling :) I got the coy smile, shrug, the "you know," and an explanation about how he and the Jailer have a friendly chat followed by which he passes on some gifts. Some nice shoes, clothes, alcohol and so on.

Well imagine how much that Jerk gets with thousands of inmates, many of whom have no doubt become guards because they've paid him and/or others off. But, I was surprised to hear that it was the current Jailer's last day; that his term was over. So I guess Surendra and many others will need to start all over, buying off someone new. I sure hope that the new Jailer will at least change the rules back so that foreigners can have visitors. Fingers crossed..

Still on the topic of Surendra's privileges, he has a dog if you can believe that! And he's the only inmate that does which led to the question of how that worked? I got another smile :) There is so much to how this prison works, I am sure that the little I know barely scratches the surface. Anyway, he asked if I wanted to see his dog and I was like, sure! So off he went inside to bring out his dog and while I'm waiting I'm picturing what kind of dog this tattooed, bad boy inmate is going to have. I'm picturing a big, manly dog, something like the street dogs that you see. Then I see him heading towards me with this white and sandy brown little pomeranian-like dog..which was so funny to see, it just didn't fit. Up close "Joni" (who despite his English name only knows Nepali) sadly isn't the most attractive dog. He's got the weirdest teeth ever with the bottom teeth hanging out of his mouth. A face only an inmate could love. Poor thing... But he's a great companion for Surendra so that's nice for him.

After a relaxed and lovely visit with no time constraints or restrictions I went to visit Proscovia. Once again it was loud, super busy and as a result our visit was cut short. As my grandma would say" those buggers!" I was happy to hear that the clothes that I had given Proscovia fit her. She had a great time trying them on and an even better time once she realized that she could squeeze into them. I had just booked my flight for the following week so told her that there were only 2 more visits left. That wasn't great news as I know she is already dreading me leaving. The letters that I am typing for her say so. She writes about making use of the remaining time with me and her worries about what it is going to be like after I'm gone. Days have been busy for her in the last month with reading letters from friends, responding, reading the books I've given her, and waiting for my visits. Boredom and loneliness have not been apart of her life for at least a little while. For that I am happy.

A Much Needed Break From Kathmandu With My Saathi

I'm taking a break from blogging about prisons and instead will write about a lovely day that I had outside of Kathmandu today.

As you already know I first came to Nepal in 2009 to volunteer. I arrived at the beginning of January and was unpleasantly surprised to learn that it's frickin cold in Nepal at that time of year and that I would need a lot of gear in order to stay warm. I'm never very good at doing weather research before I go somewhere and often end up in a place in the worst season ever. Not only have I frozen my ass off in Nepal, but I've also gone to SE Asia and India in the hottest part of the year. I also chose to do a month of Spanish school in Cuzco, Peru, one of the highest cities around, which translates to colder than a witch's you know what. Anyway, you get the point; I'm not always the brightest crayon in the pack when it comes to preparedness.

But, in all fairness to me, the other 5 Canadians that arrived with me were as equally unprepared and so within a day of arriving we hit the tourist area of Kathmandu (Thamel) to buy some gear. Turns out that kind of stuff is a huge business in Thamel because of tons of tourists there to trek through the Himalayas. On a side note I'm sure that I am one of only a few people who have been to Nepal more than once and who have never gone trekking. It's too cold, I wouldn't like being dirty and wearing the same clothes for days on end and I'm lazy. I can admit it. So I figure why go for the sake of going, to say that I did, only to be miserable the whole time? And believe me, lots of people do it, such as Mt. Everest Base Camp cuz it sounds cool to have done. Not me. I march to the beat of my own drum! :) And so when the guys in the street trying to sell trekking tours ask me about it, I just tell them, sorry, I'm lazy, and they like that as it's not something they often hear.

Anyway I am soooo far off topic now I don't even know how to get back :) Ok so one of the first things I bought was a blanket; now not just any blanket, but a 100% Yak Wool blanket! The guy in the shop introduced himself as Light, which was different than the many others, he spoke great English, with a sort of British accent, and was quite charismatic. We could joke around with him in hopes of getting a good price. My friend and I each ended up buying blankets from him and chatting for awhile in the process. It was a nice shopping experience, we liked our blankets and thought we did pretty good price wise to boot.

I never saw Light again until my last week in Kathmandu. I ended up walking by his shop one day and there was no forgetting him. Compared to all of the other shopkeepers he simply stood out, and like I said, he had charisma, and character. So we ended up going for tea and having a chat before I left.

Kathmandu had been such an amazing time in part because the group of us Canadian volunteers had become like a family in our home outside the tourist area. The other big part was  my connection to Teo. I had such a hard time leaving after 2.5 months, and I am sure never would have left had I not have booked a South India tour before I had left Canada. So off I went saying goodbye to some of my friends who were staying behind, bawling of course as I left in my taxi to the airport (poor taxi driver).

The first part of the India tour was tough as I was mourning leaving Kathmandu but after connecting with a few of my tour mates it got easier and allowed me to love all that I was seeing and experiencing there. But, I still yearned to go back to Kathmandu and that's exactly what I did when the tour ended.

When I returned I went to see Prakash again and for the next few weeks we hung out a lot, mainly in his shop which of course had the blankets and pashminas. Now that we were friends, Light, who I now referred to by his Nepali name, Prakash (meaning Light) filled me in that the blanket I had bought was not 100% yak wool. In fact all of the shops claiming to have 100% yak wool were all bogus. He showed me a real yak wool blanket and let's just say that I can see why it's not a bestseller. It's really rough and not at all something you'd want to cuddle up with. Instead people like me like the softer than soft blankets which they believe are yak wool, but which aren't. So this yak wool issue became a big joke between us; the fact that he ripped me off. He continues to assure me that I got a good price though, and I still do love that blanket, so really, who cares. Plus I got a friend out of it :)

So then I left again, as I was meeting my best friend Corrine in Cambodia. This time I didn't plan on coming back. But after Cambodia, Vietnam and a little time in Bangkok, Thailand, I was flying to Peru. And wouldn't you know I was going through India, so I thought hey, why not stop over in Nepal given it's just a hop, skip and a jump! So for the third time I landed in Kathmandu and for a few weeks, spent almost all of my days at the prison, with plenty of time hanging out with Prakash as well (who I had surprised this time). It was Prakash who introduced me to the word 'karuna' and its meaning in Nepali, and who helped me design the karuna tattoo which I got in Nepal to symbolize what my time there had been all about, and how I wanted to continue to live my life. He calls me Karuna to this day and I embrace it as my name while in this part of the world.

Since leaving in July 2009 Prakash and I have stayed in contact and become close friends. Two years ago he married Radikha; a wedding which I would have loved to have been apart of had he given me more notice. He is  professor of journalism in college here, and continues to run one of the family pashmina businesses.

Fast forward to March 2012....One of the bonuses of going to India was that I was close enough to swing by Nepal to visit Prakash and Proscovia as well as other old friends. Prakash met me at the airport and placed a beautiful scarf around my neck as a welcome back to Nepal. It was a lovely reunion that I won't forget. He had rode his motorbike there to meet me but with my luggage I was going to need to take a taxi to my hotel. But after Prakash had a brainwave we sent my luggage with the hotel guy while I rode with him. He and I had gone on a couple day trips on his motorbike when I had been there in 2009 and I loved it. So it was so nostalgic and exciting to commemorate my return by riding in to the city on his bike. I was so happy to be back; just seeing all the familiar sights filled me with joy.

Since I've been here I've spent a lot of time catching up with Prakash in the shop. The same 100% yak wool blanket signs are up, as they are in every shop in Thamel. We still talk and laugh about it. I'm sure he won't like that I''m broadcasting the truth about the bogus yak wool blankets to all my peeps, but hey, it's not like any of you are going to start any campaign against the yak wool scheme. Plus, Prakash is still one of the most, kind, compassionate and good people that I know, fake yak wool and all :)

Over the weeks we've had endless chats about all that we've missed talking about in the last 3 years (some things you just can't talk about on Skype) and drank a lot of tea in the process. I've met his wife who is lovely and gone to their home for dinner, which was also lovely. Their home is on the edge of the city and huge as it is a joint family; his two brothers and their families each have a floor, while Prakash, Radikha, his mother and twin sister live on another floor. I got to meet his mother for the first time, as she moved to the city from the village after I left, and got to see his sister and brother again. It was a lovely evening..

 Prakash is a busy guy with teaching and the shop so has little free time. But he wanted to at least take me out of Kathmandu one day, into the countryside, as we had done before. By the time we arranged the day I so needed it after more than 2 weeks in Kathmandu with its pollution and noise. I was finding that my patience was running thin with the horns, spitting, slow walking people, and that I needed to get away, see some green and take in some fresh air!

So today after a rooftop breakfast on a clear morning where we could see the foothills surrounding the city, off we went out of the city and into the beautiful countryside that makes up Nepal. I loved being on a motorbike again, and in particular once we were out of the city when I didn't have to wear a face mask, could smell the eucalyptus and see the green trees and hills. The sights were amazing to see again; the rolling foothills which turned into snow capped mountains as we went farther, beautiful rice terraces carved into the hills, traditional homes scattered all over, women walking along carrying baskets of grass on their backs, villagers herding goats, buses with young people riding on the rooftop as I had done and loved when I was last here....Besides the bumpy ride during which at one point I came down hard and chipped my tooth, it was simply lovely and soooo needed.

After riding close to 40 kms we headed off on a sandy, narrow road which circled around a hill leading to his sister's home. I couldn't help but sing "she'll be coming around the mountain when she comes..." :) Riding out to visit Prakash's sister and her family had been the plan all along as it was a beautiful ride and he could see his sister at the same time. The area had a lot of springs and as a result has a lot of trout farms. Many times along the way I had to get off the bike so Prakash could either manoeuvre the sand or small spring running across the road. It was remote! Finally we arrived, parked the bike at a neighbour's, tromped across their property and over the wheat that they were harvesting, to his sister's home.

Their home is two storeys, made of cement with some reddish mud used as well and with a tin roof. The bedrooms are upstairs which you get to by ladder, and on the main floor is the kitchen, storage room and another for goats. The family has cows, goats and farm wheat, rice, potatoes and mustard as well. They also have fruit in their yard like papaya and lime. Their home is on the edge of a hill full of terraces, trees and is simply beautiful. The upstairs bedrooms have window openings that look out on to this amazing scenery; quite the view to wake up to everyday.

When we arrived, Prakash's sister, brother in law and their adult son were beating the wheat that they had just cut. Prakash's sister would carry the bushels over and the men would beat them over a stone to separate the wheat from the stalks. Wheat was flying everywhere and it was all over the ground. After his sister got us some tasty green papaya, grilled potato and some delicious juice concoction, they went back to work. Prakash's brother in law continued to beat the wheat while his sister picked up the wheat that was laying on the ground and held it up in the wind which blew the husks away. It was a fascinating process really and  during which I couldn't help but think about how different farming is in Canada. Lucky for them they get 3 crops a year versus our one but it's quite a hard life with physical labour being required for pretty much everything they do and eat.

Their son, Suman, who is studying on a full scholarship in Kathmandu to be a structural engineer, gave me a tour of the house and took me on a walk to the spring where they get their drinking water from. I saw the cracks in the rocks from which the water comes from. Suman has actually tested the water in a lab and found it to be pure, pure, pure. After hearing that I felt better about drinking the juice from which it was made!

We sat outside with me enjoying the peaceful scenery, took pictures (mainly of Prakash's young niece and her friend who very much wanted a photo shoot), played with the goats, and I tried to win over the cat who wanted nothing to do with me. Then after a great meal we were on our way. His sister wanted me to stay the night, but I wasn't prepared so told her next time!

After a few hour visit we went on our way, tromping through the neighbour's yard again during which I got another invite to stay. The ride home was even more beautiful I think and I savoured every sight and smell, especially during the many times I had to get off the bike, walk, and even push so we could get back up the road with its sand, rocks, and streams. Despite the beautiful scenery I was reminded again why I'm not interested in trekking :)

By the time we made it back, 10 hours after we had left that morning, we were both exhausted and our butts were killing us. As much as I love being on a bike, it kills the ass, even despite all the padding that I have! Back in Kathmandu we were reunited with the crazy traffic, barrage of horns and pollution. The mask went back on but I didn't care. The day had been exactly what I needed and was truly authentic Nepal and Nepali hospitality. I felt so lucky to have had the experience and am very grateful to a great saathi (friend) for the experience. Having friends in the places you visit is the best feeling and one that as you can tell by now always brings me back. Because really it isn't the place..it's the people. And with friends like Prakash here, I can guarantee that this won't be my last time.  

A Mother's Pain

I have no doubt that the hardships Proscovia has had to endure in prison; the primitive living conditions, food restrictions, rats, having no visitors and so on pale in comparison to the pain and guilt that she suffers being away from her daughter. Even if you can't empathize with someone who has made the choice to traffic drugs, and the consequences that they must live with as a result, I suspect that you can at least feel for the child that has been left behind to suffer a different kind of sentence...growing up without a parent.

Nicole was about 7 when her mother left Uganda and never returned. I don't know exactly when, but shortly before that she also lost her grandmother, Proscovia's mother. Contact with her father has always been sporadic. Since her mother left she has lived with her great uncle and his family. She has plenty of company as her uncle has five children, but I'm sure playmates are little consolation when your mother is not around and you don't understand why.

Proscovia can use the phone to call Nicole once every two weeks for 5 minutes, that is when she can afford phone cards. You can imagine how pricey they are when you're calling Uganda, and difficult to afford when you are living on 50 cents a day. Sometimes Nicole isn't there when she calls and those times are particularly tough. Yearning to hear her daughter's voice only to discover that she isn't there, and then to have to wait another two weeks to try again must be torture.

When I first arrived and asked about Nicole, Proscovia told me that it had been difficult to connect with her over the months and described Xmas as a "disaster" as she couldn't reach her. Sometimes she calls Nicole at school and her teacher kindly acts as a go-between which has led to more success. She told me about a recent call during which Nicole didn't have much interest in talking to her, and how worried she was that her daughter was drifting away from her. The next time they spoke though Nicole talked about her worries about not doing well in school, and about how her father had been threatening to take her out. Proscovia reassured her that her father didn't mean it and encouraged her to keep at it. Although Proscovia was certainly sorry to hear that Nicole was struggling, she was also happy that her daughter was feeling close enough to confide in her. Her worries about their attachment would be held at bay for at least a little while longer.

During one of my visits this week, Proscovia shared that she had been having a tough day, which you could see on her face. She had just finished writing a letter to a friend which had made her quite emotional as part of it was about Nicole. We only scratched the surface of her feelings that day though as there was such good news to talk about with me meeting the Big Kahuna. Not surprisingly Proscovia is always more than willing to focus on good news rather than the sad stuff.

A day later I typed out that handwritten letter to send off to her friend (who I also know). Reading her thoughts made me feel so guilty about not focusing more on how she was feeling that day as it was obvious how much she was hurting. It made me emotional even writing it, so I can only imagine how she felt.

I want to share an excerpt from Proscovia's letter with you to highlight who she is as a person and mother as well as the tragedy of her mistake. Nicole will likely not see her mother until she is already a grown woman given that Proscovia has another 12 years to serve.

And Proscovia is not alone. I can guarantee that 99% of the women in her jail are mothers; meaning their children are growing up without them. Some have shorter sentences but those convicted of drug trafficking (and there are many) have sentences of 16.5 years. So that means a whole childhood for some of these children. In Nepal children often end up in orphanages when their mother goes to jail as extended family can't financially provide for them. PA Nepal is one NGO in Kathmandu that cares for such children and where Basecamp sends volunteers to assist with childcare.

And so in a little hellhole of a prison in Nepal, a mother is worried about her daughter's education, future, and is doing what she can to show her love and support from thousands of miles away. And this mother is the drug trafficker that many people think should just rot in the worst of conditions...to learn a lesson. You tell me, does this sound like a person that you'd want to wish that on?

Nicole is fine, this year she's in the upper primary level. She needs me a lot, talking to her is all I can do. I wish to request you a favour. Around November she'll be doing her final exams. Kindly send her success cards, from you, me and Kathy. For mine, could you write "From Mummy-Nicole you are a very special girl and deserve the best results with flying colours. My daughter I'm proud of you, I think and pray for you always. I miss you..love Mummy."

 

I have a lot more to write but the tears keep coming. I can't stick to it. "Flying colours" is a term that excites children or candidates back home.I recall when I was in this class, how my mother was there for me, I truly can't describe myself...What Nicole feels? It's a tough time for me emotionally. I wish to talk to her often. I hope she'll perform well. The last year she was not performing well, it's indeed worrisome. Please don't mind that I'm sharing with you but I feel better that at least I've got my friends to share these situations and you're making me happy in the toughest of moments helping me to persevere. I'm grateful...

I have no more words, only tears, for a bad decision made by a good person; a person who will continue to suffer for many more years, and whose child will suffer even more.

The Best Day

I had the beeeeest day today and I'm on top of the world!

Today was a prison day. I've been going typically Mondays and Thursdays to spread out my two visits a week. Prison outings typically take up most of the day and are quite the trying experience. Today I set out in good time on my 40 minute or so jaunt but realized part way that I had forgot my passport which is now a must. FML. And it's not like it's a nice, peaceful walk that you want to do over again. Picture narrow streets jam packed with people, bicycle rickshaws, taxis (all asking you whether you want one), motorbikes whizzing by and using their ear piercing horns every chance they get, hawkers and shopkeepers trying to sell you everything under the sun like tiger balm, musical instruments and pashminas,as well as the ever pleasant horking and spitting that you're hearing, seeing and trying to dodge. This all the while rocking a face mask so you aren't sucking in the pollution from all the dust and vehicle exhaust that gets trapped in streets sandwiched by buildings.

I know this probably isn't a description that will end up in some Tourism Nepal magazine as it doesn't shine a very positive light on the environment here, but unfortunately it's reality, particularly in Thamel, Kathmandu's main tourist area. Well, as they say in Nepal..ke garne (what to do?) :)

Okay that was an unnecessary tangent from my amazing day, but a necessary backdrop to my life here. As part of the walk I usually stop somewhere to pick us up a drink, snack and anything else that I might be bringing her that day (today it was Coffeemate as she's been out for quite awhile). I arrived finally about 1:00. No sooner did I get in the first line did I see my "Original Stalker," Indira, a Nepali woman who I had met the last time I was here.

Indira has a boyfriend in prison and faithfully visits him 5 days a week. She says she works but I don't know how that would be possible when so much of her time is consumed by visits. I also don't don't how she affords to buy him food and supplies all the time if she doesn't work. I suspect that her family supports both of them. Today she had eggs, bread and some vegetables for him and showed them to me proudly.

My Original Stalker very much wanted to be my friend the last time I was here and would faithfully wait for me outside the prison after she was done visiting in hopes of spending some time with me. She would also call the volunteer house incessantly. That's how she got the name "Stalker" as everyone at the house knew who she was and to tell her Ithat  wasn't home. She was difficult to avoid though as we were often at the prison at the same time. It got to be waaay too much. I did go to her house for dinner one night which actually was nice. Her parents were very sweet, the meal was great and overall it was a lovely experience. But she always wanted more and more which I couldn't help but feel was all about the prestige of having a foreign friend. You could tell she was thrilled to parade me around and show others that she had me as a friend. That turned me off as did the stalking. Once I was back in Canada she emailed me and asked for money to help get her boyfriend out of jail (not a cause I was going to support). I never heard from her after that.

So, there she was, quite surprised and thrilled to see me, her "best friend!" And I was like FML (for the second time today). As it turned out the line for security was super long so we had plennnty of time to catch up (with her poor English and my almost non-existent Nepali I might add). Right away she asked for my phone number. Thankfully my Delhi Stalker experience taught me something and I told her that I didn't have one (I know you'll be happy with that Mom). So I got the "okay you contact me by email okay?" Sure thing, Stalker I thought..aint gonna happen!

So we chatted a bit about her family, boyfriend (he's getting out in 3 months apparently, although I think I've heard that before), Teo and so on. But for the most part she talked to the other women in line; I'm pretty sure about what great friends we are. At one point she lifted her sunglasses to show me some brown spots on her cheeks which she told me was from duplicate cream.

And here I will digress...In India and Nepal (like many other developing countries I am sure) you get duplicate everything; meaning fake products. Last time I was in Nepal there had been a huge scandal as some people had died and/or gone blind from some duplicate rum that had been made and sold. Unfortunately for me, rum was all that I drank at that time (I'm now known to enjoy a little wine as well) so it was a bit touch and go for awhile with no rum to be found, until I took a chance and bought some anyway. I've bought plenty of other duplicate products I'm sure; some good, others not so much, such as duplicate sunscreen which led to a nasty sunburn and Oreos that looked the same but tasted pretty gross. The Colgate toothpaste though is the best! So you win some you lose some :) On a serious note though, Indira has been scarred from this cream, which of course is scary, so if you're ever in Nepal, stay away from Oil of Olay!

After a long wait in the hot sun during which all the Nepali women covered themselves with scarves and umbrellas to keep their skin from getting darker (which is a whole other topic) while I basked in the sun while scanning for my guard buddy who always let me through. Unfortunately for me, it must have been his day off. I was also freaking out a bit thinking that because I wouldn't get to go ahead, Indira and I would go to security together, she would see my cell phone that I would have to hand over, and my stalker dodging tactics would be exposed. See what happens when you lie!! Stress, nothing but stress! Well we eventually got herded over to security together and I skilfully concealed my cell phone without her seeing. I'm sure I'll be going to Hell for that one.

Anyway now on to the good parts...So I head over to the checkpoint where I get my visit slip stamped and am standing waiting for my turn, all the while looking longingly over to Badra Jail where I used to visit Teo. Once again, just like when I go to the Okanagan and am always scanning for the Ogopogo Sea Monster, everytime I'm at the jail I'm always scanning for Surendra, my Nepali gangster buddy. I had sent messages through a couple people to tell him I was here but so far no luck seeing him.

Today though as I was scanning I thought I saw someone who could have been him. Seconds later I see a guy with longer black hair, a white button up shirt and jeans strolling over. Bad eyes and all I could tell it was Surendra. I could see his smile from afar and then heard him say "I'm coming there for you" and there he was! The embrace was genuine and filled me with joy! I'm sure that's the first time they've seen that kind of sight on the prison grounds!

What a great reunion! As we chatted, he looked me up and down as players do, then asked about Alison, my friend/fellow volunteer who he quite liked. I teased him about the fact that he hasn't changed at all and is still a Dirty Dawg. He always had a harem of girls visiting. When I told him how I had wanted to see him but wasn't allowed, he confidently told me that there would be no problem, that he's in good with the Jailer, meaning he pays him off in order to stay in his good books and get his 'facilities' (privileges).

As we were discussing the topic of me visiting him, the nice guard who I had befriended early on came by. So Surendra asks him if I can come over and visit him for awhile and after taking a look at my visit slip, he smiles and says 'don't stay too long." Oh man was I happy!! I had been dying to go back to Teo's jail for old time's sake, to see if anyone I knew was still there, and most importantly to see Surendra, who I had had many talks with during my visits there (much to Teo's chagrin) :)

We strolled over casually; me with a huge smile and him with his confident swagger. You would never think that this was a jail apart from the uniformed police hanging around with guns. Into the visiting area we went and again I was struck by the difference between the men and women's jails. It looked even nicer than before and I felt annoyed again at the blatant discrimination. Perhaps I was seeing it in a different light this time but I took it all in; nice seating areas and tables all around in the shade, everything nicely painted, green space in the middle with prayer flags draped across, a small shrine on the right and visiting benches at the back. It was open, bright and more like a park setting than a prison. Apart from the bars at the back from where the men come out to visit, it certainly doesn't look like a prison.

As per prison hospitality Surendra insisted that I have a drink and seconds later two cold bottles of pop were delivered to us as we sat in the separate section for staff. We had a great visit and I have to admit that I can see why girls fall for him. He's really cute, with a great smile and is quite the charmer. He has this gangster way of saying "you know" that I love to imitate and which he quite enjoys. You can tell he has money as he's always nicely dressed and clearly takes pride in his appearance. Oh yah and he has tattoos all up his arms. Lord Save Me! :)

Just so you ladies don't start filling out visa applications to bring him over to your country, I should tell you that Surendra has been in prison for over 8 years on a murder charge. He is now 30, so when he was about 22 he was involved in a gang and no doubt was up to no good as part of that. He was a little more closed about that stuff :) There was a banda (strike/protest) in Kathmandu one day and apparently one particular police officer was trying to arrest him. From what I remember there had been some history between the two. Well, Surendra stabbed the police officer to death. He was convicted and sentenced to 10 years (6.5 years less than what someone receives for drug trafficking by the way). He told me that he only has 11 months left of his sentence, and is clearly looking forward to his release. He has been a prison staff for some time (which I suspect came as a result of him paying people off) but as a veteran doesn't seem to have to do much. He still gets his 'facilities' and can go on day outings 1-2 days a month. His main girlfriend didn't wait for him and has since married, but as I joked with him, I'm sure he has several more.

Turns out an Israeli woman in Proscovia's jail is in love with him. She writes him letters all the time (which he said is too teenager-ish for him) and visits him every couple months as allowed. She apparently wants to marry him as well. He was very nonchalant about the whole thing and doesn't seem to care if she visits or not. He told me that he just goes along with it to make her 2 years in prison a little happier and to make her feel good. It's a soap opera even in a Nepali prison I tell ya...

 

When I asked him about his plans after release he told me (as he had before) that he hopes to come to Canada. Look out ladies!! Apparently his brother is coming to Canada as well. If that doesn't happen he wants to get his own place; but I'm not sure what he'll do work wise. I've already lectured him on that topic!! It sounds like his parents lecture him a lot about what he has done as well. But they still support him financially and will do so once he's out.

 

We talked about Teo, the shooting that happened and reminisced about old times. I was shocked that he remembered so much, like what my tattoo says of all things! He was clearly very happy to see me again and that made me happy as I felt the same. He wrote the number to the jail on my hand so we can keep in touch and after finishing the drink and saying hello to another inmate/guard that I used to know, he walked me out. After another hug, as I wasn't sure I'd see him again, I was on my way.

 

Once outside I stopped to thank the guard who had allowed the visit and just as I was saying how happy it had made me, he got called inside the office. I was thinking, oh crap, he and/or I are in trouble because I was technically only allowed to go see Proscovia (and he had allowed the visit with Surendra) Seconds later, he called me over and said that his boss wanted to meet me! So I went into the small brick office where the police sit and was introduced to the head of security for the prison! He was pretty young and humble for being the Big Kahuna and he seemed to be quite thrilled to talk to me, a mere peon. He told me about his job (and he truly is the Big Kahuna being in charge of security for all 3 jails), wanted to know about my education and what I did for work. I told him that I wanted his job..little does he know that I wasn't joking!

 

So I mention all the changes and how I can now only visit twice a week to which he says noooo problem, you don't bother with the Jailer. If you want to come more often you just call me if there's a problem (and proceeds to write out his name, title and number). My Lord, this was what I had hoped for!!!! I couldn't contain my excitement and to be honest, turned on the charm. Some may say that my friendliness has got me in some not so desirable situations i.e. stalkers, buuuut, it has also benefitted me in many ways. I knew that I needed to win people over at the prison this time and it had worked. And, I didn't have to sell my body to do it which is a plus, haha! So we sat and chatted some more, along with a few other guards, one being the male guard at Proscovia's prison who has never been very friendly, even 3 years back. So I also took the opportunity to tell my new buddy how unfriendly his staff are at the women's side (to which the unfriendly guy agreed)! Anyway, like it or not people, I did give the Big Kahuna my contact information as he is one dude that I need to stay connected to! After being invited to the Nepali New Year's Eve party at the prison the next day, I dashed out realizing that there was only an hour left before visiting hours ended. I had already been at the prison for an hour and a half and still hadn't seen Proscovia!

 

So with some skip in my step and a big smile on my face from the two amazing things that had just happened, I headed off to Proscovia's jail. I don't know why, but everyone just seemed nicer and more laid back today. Perhaps because they're used to me coming now. They barely gave my things a second glance today, including the food which for the first time I didn't have to taste for them. I'm sure Proscovia appreciated not having a bite taken out of her banana bread :)

 

I couldn't wait to share the news of my day with Proscovia, especially the part about now having open access to her. She of course was happy, but I could tell that she was already focused on the fact that I would be leaving soon. The fact that I am incredibly lucky to be able to visit her was reinforced today when she told me that a Basecamp volunteer had come but been denied a visit. The volunteer had only been able to drop off some things. So lucky..

 

We had mango juice together as we visited, but I ate my snack alone as she always wants to save hers for later when she can savour it rather than focus on our visit. I guess I can't blame her for that but it sure is not as fun to eat alone. She was having a rough day after writing to a friend about her daughter so needed some cheering up. Thankfully I had some good news to do so.

 

On my way out I told her with glee that I would be there again on Sunday for my third visit that week, taking advantage of my new privileges. I picked up my belongings from security and strolled down the dirt road out of the prison after an amazing afternoon. There was no wiping that smile off my face!

But then who did I see waiting on the road? Indira of course, who had probably waited over an hour after visiting her boyfriend. Geez Louise here we go again I thought. And so into stalker dodging mode I went..yet again..

 

She wanted to walk back to Thamel with me, then asked for bus fare when I told her I wasn't walking back (also a little fib). After that the focus was on me coming to her house on the weekend, with an invitation to stay there period, rather than a hotel. As we walked she called over to a friend clearly wanting to show me off. Then she pulled out the duplicate Oil of Olay cream to show me. Why you would want to carry something like that around in your purse I have no clue. Then she asked if I could get her some cream (the real stuff) from my country. At this point I was thinking I had to escape, and as she stopped to get some fruit, I told her I had to run and dashed off. Dodging her is going to be tricky though given that we will likely be visiting at the prison most days, and due to her insistence on waiting for me after she's done. My Delhi Stalker is looking pretttty good right now! Oh and on that note, he just sent me a Facebook request with a different name, so if anyone gets a request from Dushy (AKA Douche Bag) Pandit, stay clear!!!!