My Last Day in Mysore

The morning started like any other; but today, not surprisingly I was feeling nostalgic as I ate my last breakfast. I always looked forward to coming out of my room in the morning and seeing what delicious breakfast would be waiting for me. I learned a lot about South Indian food while living in this homestay, and big shocker, I now have a lot of favourites like Utma, Akki Roti with coconut chutney, Chapati with mashed bananas, Rava Idly, Puri with potatoes..and that`s only for breakfast! On my first two trips to India I remember craving western food every few days, but not anymore. I simply love Indian food like no other in the world!

Renukha was cleaning this morning and as usual was thrilled to have a bit of alone time with me. The family was always gone by the time I got up so it was just her and I. I have to admit that after the Nandini issue I avoided her for a few days as I was so angry at her for her treatment of Nandini. But in a short time I softened, seeing her as the meek, uneducated, abused woman that she is. The woman that was so happy to wash my clothes, who is scared of the power outlets, saying "sister, current" asking me to turn off the power (or current to her), synchronizing her schedule to ensure that she got to walk with me to Odanadi, and pulling me to the side of the road to protect me from getting hit on the way (Inka, she took over for you)! She really is a good person, but no doubt with an ugly past, and in an environment and culture which nurtures the negativity that she has toward her daughter.

So we walked to Odanadi together on my last day during which we had a talk (as much as two people can talk when they only speak about 15 words of eachothers' language). She told me again how her husband was bad, and that she was done with him, using the word ``sacu` meaning "enough" in her language Kannada. She plans to stay at Odanadi with Nandini and continue working. I was happy to hear that and encouraged her to stay. I also scolded her (they use this word in India and I like it) and told her no more fighting as she's been getting into trouble lately. Seems that she has a hard time keeping her mouth shut when other girls are fighting and makes things worse. She told me that she has physically fought with her mother in the past and showed me how her "ma " a necklace worn in lieu of a wedding ring in the Hindu religion, had broken after a fight with Nandini (yes, her tiny 10 year old daughter) a few months back. She promised no more fighting, especially with Nandini. I may be thinking optomistically but I think there might be some change in the Nandini department. I gave her a Fruit-to-Go snack on the way which she tucked away for Nandini which impressed me. She also told me that she didn't want Nandini to get married given how her marriage turned out (she was married at 16) and instead wanted her to go to college and become a doctor, lawyer or teacher (in that order). I praised her for that too, and told her again how beautiful and sweet Nandini is and to be good to her. She seemed softer and more compassionate towards Nandini. If she could only see the connection between how she has been treated by her own mother and their poor relationship today, with her relationship with Nandini in order to not repeat the cycle. I can only hope...

So Jose if you're reading this, Renukha now has your towel as it was just too big and bulky to keep, especially with all the friggin shirts and soap I had to buy for you (just kidding) so know that it is being well used in your beloved India! I was going to throw out an old loofah as well which Renukha wanted (yuck) as well as some body wash. I'm sure that made her day, and it made mine too as it made my bag lighter. My goal is to not have another `Big Bertha`the nickname I gave the big mother of a suitcase that I had on my last trip and which Corrine had to bring home for me (which I have never heard the end of).

So instead of giving Odanadi a money donation (which I didn't want to do as a result of the concerns that I have already written about), I decided to buy clothes for the younger kids as theirs are pretty ratty. Well that wasn't one of my brightest ideas as you can imagine how difficult it would be buying clothes for like 30 kids from ages 4-10 when you don't know sizes, when as a foreigner the price doubles, and while it's hotter than a whorehouse and you're getting sunburned trying to make the deal. So after a hot, exhausting and useless shopping trip to the city, I scrapped that idea and decided to buy some games to keep them occupied. I bought badminton rackets/birdies, Jenga and puzzles.

On my last morning the younger kids were home from school and were already busy putting the Dora puzzles together. They seemed thrilled to have something new to play with, yet some clearly didn't know how to do it. I don't know how many times I said while showing them to do the straight pieces first! It was chaos but in the end they got it. Then I taught them Jenga which they also seemed to like and which is great for the older girls too. I didn't try out the badminton as I didn't want to embarass the kids with my excellent badminton skills (ahahahah!) That comment is for the Larson clan who know too well how I play with my stellar eyes :)

The biggest hit though was the manicure kit which I put together for them with lots of nail polish and everything they need to do manicures; hand wipes, remover, files, lotion etc. and they were thrilled, begging me to do nails again that day. The girl you will remember as "G" was especially upset as she had slept through my class days before and wanted me to do her nails that day. She wasn't too happy with me as I told her (by motioning as she can't hear or speak) "you snooze you loose girlfriend" (literally). I talked to the House Mother about ensuring that a volunteer does a nail class at least monthly given how much they love it and she agreed. So monthly manicures will be one of my legacies which makes me very happy :)

Speaking of legacies, the child protection policies that I created will change many things about how things work at Odanadi. For example volunteers can no longer walk around and gather girls for classes which is now the job of the House Mother while the volunteer waits outside. Volunteers used to tour around, including going into the dorms looking for girls, and catch them undressing for example, or just have opportunity to be alone with them. They can no longer take pictures without Director approval and have to sign out to ensure everyone is gone by the time the staff leave in the evening. There were so many loosey goosey things going on which opened the girls up to abuse and as well many practices that simply made their home anything but that. So the framework is there and it is now up to the staff to enforce.

Then I started to make my rounds saying goodbye to everyone, leaving my core group of girls for last as I was closest with them and they were most sad about me leaving. We took pictures, they walked me out and I don't have to spell it out; it was sad, and it makes me cry just writing about it.

Many of those girls really touched me in a short time, and I know they will miss me as I will miss them. I also know that if I return someday, some of them will still be there; such as the girls who have special needs/health issues, and some that won't, most likely the ones that I am closest with as they are older, have families, and may get married or go off to work. I can only hope that they will be left with some good memories of our time together, and that their lives won't be too difficult. Hopefully they will be among the next round of success stories that are spoken about in the years to come.

Organizational issues aside, the experience at Odanadi was simply great. It opened up my eyes to social and cultural issues in India, NGOs, and how the lives of these individual girls are affected by all of these things. The relationships that developed with the girls was the most rewarding part, and it taught me that I don't have to necessarily "use my social work skills" to enjoy a volunteer experience, which is great given how many opportunities there are in the world which could keep me busy and satisfied for many years to come :)

So off I went to Bangalore by bus. A few minutes in a man came and sat with me which meant that I was jam packed in with my bags and pretty happy about it too. His arm was in my space and he was constantly on the phone interfering with my music. Then he started up a conversation and I was like, oh great here we go!

Well we ended up talking the entire 3 hour journey back mainly about life in our countries. He's a BigWig in the government working in alcohol and drug enforcement. Meaning he goes to bars, lodges (AKA hotels) to ensure they are following the rules and will go investigate concerns about drugs in places like universities or wherever. Apparently there is a big problem with cannabis in India. When he told me this I was thinking, pot, whoop-dee-doo! Lock up your children Indian parents! So I told him about our drug problem in Canada to one up him. You know, all the good stuff; crack, crystal meth, oxycontin.

I was shocked by his perks; a government vehicle which he can use for anything 24/7, with 2 drivers at his beck and call (which he told me is standard for all manager types working for the govt in India). In fact he was shocked that we don't have the same in Canada and that we use our own vehicles. He also gets 45 vacation days per year on top of the 20 government holidays! So then he goes on to tell me about how 98-99% of government workers are corrupt and admitted that he too takes "rewards" from people. On the corruption continuum he thinks he's pretty far on the tame side as he doesn't take money from criminals, but will certainly accept money from some peon of a bar owner who wants to stay open a little longer and is willing to pay for it. I couldn't believe he was admitting this to me! But I guess corruption is so engrained in the system that it's just accepted.

So during the conversation he asks me my name and when I tell him he says "oh yes I saw you in the paper, I remember that name." And in the Bangalore paper no less! I was shocked as I had thought I had made it into only a small newspaper with the whole sugar cane factory extravaganza. Well turns out the story hit the big time, Bangalore, a city of 11 million. Couldn't believe it and also that he would recognize me! Gotta get my hands on that paper to see for myself even though it is in Kannada and I won't know what it says.

So we arrive in Bangalore and sure enough, his car, driver and one of his staff are waiting. As the rickshaw guys start to accost me he tells me that if I didn't mind waiting for him to be dropped off at the office that his driver would take me to my hotel. Now I probably shouldn't publish this as my mom just finished lecturing me about being too friendly, and that I'm going to end up getting kidnapped, she's going to have to spend all her money to try and find me, yada yada. This was after the Stalker incident. Which when she presented the Debbie Downer side of what could have happened (them poisoning me with the cocount milk that they bought me) I thought, yah that's true, better be smarter.

Well, what did I do? Sorry Mother, but I took the ride. Maybe foolishly (because in hindsight sure something could have happended) but it all seemed legit and I had no bad vibes which |I learned on Oprah to trust :) And really the rickshaw drivers are probably a worse option (but I shouldn't delve into that or you'll worry even more). So anyhoo, sure enough we dropped the BigWig off at his office and then braved the infamous Bangalore traffic for probably another hour to drop me off.

I got to see the "lorry stick," one which was made of wood and another, which apparently hurts more, of fiberglass, which they use when they are going on inspections. Apparently without a lorry you're screwed as the ispectors would be defenseless against the hooligans. We talked about prositution, the staff's take on why women prostitute and what should be done about it. His position was that many women want easy money, for highly important items in Indian society such as gold and expensive sarees. They would rather sell their bodies than do backbreaking labour in the hot fields in villages. I'm reading a non-fiction book about Bombay dance bars right now and am getting a different take though, which is that these women have all been abused or sold usually by their family and that this is their only chance of freedom from the men and the abuse in their lives. By leaving they can choose who they "service" vs it being their father, uncle or husband. I would tend to think that the book is more accurate.

So I safely arrived at the Sri Krishna International Hotel, where the Canadians stayed when we were in Bangalore for Sanjeev and Diana's wedding. I got the same room and it felt great to be "home." I ate at my favourite restaraunt where they knew me, as did the hotel staff, and it was just nice :)

I'm ashamed to say that the next day I went to my favourite place, Mantri Mall, for probably the 5th time. But in all fairness I was running errands, including buying shirts for Jose, my old roomie. Later I stopped in at Sanjeev's parents for a visit and of couse dinner which as per usual involved more food than I wanted but which was "compulsory" a word Sanjeev's mom likes to use!

And the following morning..the Andaman Islands!