The Andaman Islands

After a lot of vacillating back and forth, typical for me, I decided to go to the Andaman Islands. These islands are between Thailand and India, belong to India, and are controlled by the military. You need a permit to enter and they are very strict about where you can and cannot go. Whole islands are off base especially tribal areas. The pictures looked beautiful, it wasn't very expensive to go, and I figured I'd better visit given how close I was. I also had some time to kill before I had to meet Shiva in Mumbai to pursue my next project.

I had to wake up at 4 a.m. (something I only do for hot holidays) and was off to the airport at 5. My taxi driver had just woken up I think and needed a few minutes to put himself together. Then on the way he stopped to have a coffee! Seriously?! It's dark, we're on the side of the highway surrounded by a bunch of men and I'm sitting in a car with the window down like a sitting duck. Oops, shouldn't be highlighting this for my mother either. Although driving through the hood in Winnipeg is way more dangerous these days. Anyway, the airport was chaotic and I learned a lesson that for any future flights in India way more time is essential for a stress free experience. The only saving grace, which the new Winnipeg airport should consider with its long security lines, is a ladies only line, as there were way less women travelling, and it was super quick to get through thank goodness.

Once in Port Blair, the hub of the islands, I had to take a ferry to Havelock Island where I would be staying. A 2.5 hour boat ride plus flights made it a 9 hour journey. The ferry was strange in that there were several rows of seats facing a wall and unless you were at the end of the row (which had a tiny window) you couldn't even see outside. So basically you just sit there and stare at the wall ahead of you.

I was in seat #1 directly in front of the air conditioner which turned the cabin into a 19 degree fridge. Yep, great seat. Gotta love the irony of freezing your ass off in India. Then the guy behind takes off his shoes and starts singing, coincidentally my favourite Indian song. Now I don't know the direct translation of the lyrics "Wanna be my Chammak Challo?" but I can guess as I am sure can you. Well given how his feet smelled there was no way I was gonna be his Chammak Challo, I can tell you that!" So I fired up the ol"Ipod to block out his singing and tried not to inhale.

My hotel was right on the beach and my room a "tented cabana" which is a big mother tent on a tile base, with an attached bathroom and porch with rocking chairs and a hammock. Pretty cool concept.

The Andamans are a big honeymoon spot (FML), and also big for diving. I've always wanted to learn to dive but decided against it this time, as I felt it would be more fun to do it with someone someday, plus with my broken toe I was worried about putting on a flipper and making it worse.

The first couple days I didn't care for the Andamans too much to be honest. After the first day I had to move to another hotel for a night (as the first hotel was full) which was a pain and I didn't like the other hotel. On top of that, sure, the water is very blue and clear..but there is basically no beach. So you pretty much had to lay in the little patch of sand in front of the resort which I didn't care for. Then, what is interesting about the Andamans, but not very attractive to the eyes, is that in the afternoon, the tide goes out super far, leaving clumps of coral and seagrass (which looks like clumps of crap), and marooned boats. It's a very strange sight. So it's not very pretty and there is basically no swimming in the afternoon as well. But, it does solve the problem of there being no beach as you can walk forever.

I enjoyed my time in Havelock much more once I was settled back at my original hotel and in my cabana. I found some good coffee and banana porridge (I know, I know, I need professional help), and the seafood was of course great. The days passed with eating good food (I had my best samosas here as well), reading in a hammock, a massage (which was not nearly as good as the last one sans man hands, haha), swimming in crystal clear and warm water, and long walks along the beach. Really can't complain about that.

One day I rented a bike (for $1.50 for the day I might add) and rode the narrow road down one side of the island, enjoying the blue, blue water peeking through the trees as well as typical village houses and farms along the way. It was friggin hot though and the ride turned into 2 hours, nearly giving me heat stroke I think, plus a sore ass (leading to no further bike riding). It was just as well though given the bike was hard to steer straight and I have a hard enough time walking straight so an accident was bound to happen :)

Another day I took a trip to Radhanagar Beach which in 2004 Time Magazine rated one of the Top 10 beaches in the world. Now this was more like it! I'm glad I saw this side as it was very different and better than the other side. The beach was in the shape of a half moon with beautiful, clear water. There was no coral or seagrass in sight. There was a small crowd of Indians when I first got there and very few were in bathing suits. Certainly none of the women. They were in the water in sarees and most men were fully clothed as well. It was bizarre seeing a guy wearing a checkered button up shirt (very popular here) wading through the water as if it was a standard bathing suit. Also interesting is that you didn't see them go farther than waist deep (most didn't even go that far). Then the lightbulb went off that they probably can't swim. Swimming lessons are pretty standard for children to take in Canada but it you think about it, most Indian people would not have that luxury. Which brought me back to many newspaper articles I've read since being here about drowning deaths. It got me thinking..wouldn't it be a great idea for an NGO to focus on teaching children in rural villages or near the ocean for example, how to swim. That would save thousands of lives in India I am sure. If swimming were my passion I'd take it on, so I'm putting it out there for someone else :)

I had to confront my internet addiction in the Andamans because there is no broadband connection and the few satellite internet cafes charge a fortune. In my suburb of Mysore I paid 20 rupees per hour (less than 50 cents) and on the island the cost is 280 rupees (more than $5)! But I guess I am not as addicted as I thought as I didn't get the shakes without connecting daily, and was quite entertained by reading, writing my blog and listening to music. It was a nice time, glad I went, but my humble assessment of the Andaman Islands, is that if you want to go to a beach in India, go to Goa!

Oh and one last thing.. I'm standing in line for the ferry on the way back, in a line of 98% Indian people, when a military guy comes up to me and asks "Indian?" and then stands and waits for the answer (given how close in appearance I am to an Indian person I guess). Kinda chucked at that one.  Reminded me of the time that I was in The Pas and got asked for my Treaty Card at Tim Hortons.(although that was a bit more likely)  :)

My Last Day in Mysore

The morning started like any other; but today, not surprisingly I was feeling nostalgic as I ate my last breakfast. I always looked forward to coming out of my room in the morning and seeing what delicious breakfast would be waiting for me. I learned a lot about South Indian food while living in this homestay, and big shocker, I now have a lot of favourites like Utma, Akki Roti with coconut chutney, Chapati with mashed bananas, Rava Idly, Puri with potatoes..and that`s only for breakfast! On my first two trips to India I remember craving western food every few days, but not anymore. I simply love Indian food like no other in the world!

Renukha was cleaning this morning and as usual was thrilled to have a bit of alone time with me. The family was always gone by the time I got up so it was just her and I. I have to admit that after the Nandini issue I avoided her for a few days as I was so angry at her for her treatment of Nandini. But in a short time I softened, seeing her as the meek, uneducated, abused woman that she is. The woman that was so happy to wash my clothes, who is scared of the power outlets, saying "sister, current" asking me to turn off the power (or current to her), synchronizing her schedule to ensure that she got to walk with me to Odanadi, and pulling me to the side of the road to protect me from getting hit on the way (Inka, she took over for you)! She really is a good person, but no doubt with an ugly past, and in an environment and culture which nurtures the negativity that she has toward her daughter.

So we walked to Odanadi together on my last day during which we had a talk (as much as two people can talk when they only speak about 15 words of eachothers' language). She told me again how her husband was bad, and that she was done with him, using the word ``sacu` meaning "enough" in her language Kannada. She plans to stay at Odanadi with Nandini and continue working. I was happy to hear that and encouraged her to stay. I also scolded her (they use this word in India and I like it) and told her no more fighting as she's been getting into trouble lately. Seems that she has a hard time keeping her mouth shut when other girls are fighting and makes things worse. She told me that she has physically fought with her mother in the past and showed me how her "ma " a necklace worn in lieu of a wedding ring in the Hindu religion, had broken after a fight with Nandini (yes, her tiny 10 year old daughter) a few months back. She promised no more fighting, especially with Nandini. I may be thinking optomistically but I think there might be some change in the Nandini department. I gave her a Fruit-to-Go snack on the way which she tucked away for Nandini which impressed me. She also told me that she didn't want Nandini to get married given how her marriage turned out (she was married at 16) and instead wanted her to go to college and become a doctor, lawyer or teacher (in that order). I praised her for that too, and told her again how beautiful and sweet Nandini is and to be good to her. She seemed softer and more compassionate towards Nandini. If she could only see the connection between how she has been treated by her own mother and their poor relationship today, with her relationship with Nandini in order to not repeat the cycle. I can only hope...

So Jose if you're reading this, Renukha now has your towel as it was just too big and bulky to keep, especially with all the friggin shirts and soap I had to buy for you (just kidding) so know that it is being well used in your beloved India! I was going to throw out an old loofah as well which Renukha wanted (yuck) as well as some body wash. I'm sure that made her day, and it made mine too as it made my bag lighter. My goal is to not have another `Big Bertha`the nickname I gave the big mother of a suitcase that I had on my last trip and which Corrine had to bring home for me (which I have never heard the end of).

So instead of giving Odanadi a money donation (which I didn't want to do as a result of the concerns that I have already written about), I decided to buy clothes for the younger kids as theirs are pretty ratty. Well that wasn't one of my brightest ideas as you can imagine how difficult it would be buying clothes for like 30 kids from ages 4-10 when you don't know sizes, when as a foreigner the price doubles, and while it's hotter than a whorehouse and you're getting sunburned trying to make the deal. So after a hot, exhausting and useless shopping trip to the city, I scrapped that idea and decided to buy some games to keep them occupied. I bought badminton rackets/birdies, Jenga and puzzles.

On my last morning the younger kids were home from school and were already busy putting the Dora puzzles together. They seemed thrilled to have something new to play with, yet some clearly didn't know how to do it. I don't know how many times I said while showing them to do the straight pieces first! It was chaos but in the end they got it. Then I taught them Jenga which they also seemed to like and which is great for the older girls too. I didn't try out the badminton as I didn't want to embarass the kids with my excellent badminton skills (ahahahah!) That comment is for the Larson clan who know too well how I play with my stellar eyes :)

The biggest hit though was the manicure kit which I put together for them with lots of nail polish and everything they need to do manicures; hand wipes, remover, files, lotion etc. and they were thrilled, begging me to do nails again that day. The girl you will remember as "G" was especially upset as she had slept through my class days before and wanted me to do her nails that day. She wasn't too happy with me as I told her (by motioning as she can't hear or speak) "you snooze you loose girlfriend" (literally). I talked to the House Mother about ensuring that a volunteer does a nail class at least monthly given how much they love it and she agreed. So monthly manicures will be one of my legacies which makes me very happy :)

Speaking of legacies, the child protection policies that I created will change many things about how things work at Odanadi. For example volunteers can no longer walk around and gather girls for classes which is now the job of the House Mother while the volunteer waits outside. Volunteers used to tour around, including going into the dorms looking for girls, and catch them undressing for example, or just have opportunity to be alone with them. They can no longer take pictures without Director approval and have to sign out to ensure everyone is gone by the time the staff leave in the evening. There were so many loosey goosey things going on which opened the girls up to abuse and as well many practices that simply made their home anything but that. So the framework is there and it is now up to the staff to enforce.

Then I started to make my rounds saying goodbye to everyone, leaving my core group of girls for last as I was closest with them and they were most sad about me leaving. We took pictures, they walked me out and I don't have to spell it out; it was sad, and it makes me cry just writing about it.

Many of those girls really touched me in a short time, and I know they will miss me as I will miss them. I also know that if I return someday, some of them will still be there; such as the girls who have special needs/health issues, and some that won't, most likely the ones that I am closest with as they are older, have families, and may get married or go off to work. I can only hope that they will be left with some good memories of our time together, and that their lives won't be too difficult. Hopefully they will be among the next round of success stories that are spoken about in the years to come.

Organizational issues aside, the experience at Odanadi was simply great. It opened up my eyes to social and cultural issues in India, NGOs, and how the lives of these individual girls are affected by all of these things. The relationships that developed with the girls was the most rewarding part, and it taught me that I don't have to necessarily "use my social work skills" to enjoy a volunteer experience, which is great given how many opportunities there are in the world which could keep me busy and satisfied for many years to come :)

So off I went to Bangalore by bus. A few minutes in a man came and sat with me which meant that I was jam packed in with my bags and pretty happy about it too. His arm was in my space and he was constantly on the phone interfering with my music. Then he started up a conversation and I was like, oh great here we go!

Well we ended up talking the entire 3 hour journey back mainly about life in our countries. He's a BigWig in the government working in alcohol and drug enforcement. Meaning he goes to bars, lodges (AKA hotels) to ensure they are following the rules and will go investigate concerns about drugs in places like universities or wherever. Apparently there is a big problem with cannabis in India. When he told me this I was thinking, pot, whoop-dee-doo! Lock up your children Indian parents! So I told him about our drug problem in Canada to one up him. You know, all the good stuff; crack, crystal meth, oxycontin.

I was shocked by his perks; a government vehicle which he can use for anything 24/7, with 2 drivers at his beck and call (which he told me is standard for all manager types working for the govt in India). In fact he was shocked that we don't have the same in Canada and that we use our own vehicles. He also gets 45 vacation days per year on top of the 20 government holidays! So then he goes on to tell me about how 98-99% of government workers are corrupt and admitted that he too takes "rewards" from people. On the corruption continuum he thinks he's pretty far on the tame side as he doesn't take money from criminals, but will certainly accept money from some peon of a bar owner who wants to stay open a little longer and is willing to pay for it. I couldn't believe he was admitting this to me! But I guess corruption is so engrained in the system that it's just accepted.

So during the conversation he asks me my name and when I tell him he says "oh yes I saw you in the paper, I remember that name." And in the Bangalore paper no less! I was shocked as I had thought I had made it into only a small newspaper with the whole sugar cane factory extravaganza. Well turns out the story hit the big time, Bangalore, a city of 11 million. Couldn't believe it and also that he would recognize me! Gotta get my hands on that paper to see for myself even though it is in Kannada and I won't know what it says.

So we arrive in Bangalore and sure enough, his car, driver and one of his staff are waiting. As the rickshaw guys start to accost me he tells me that if I didn't mind waiting for him to be dropped off at the office that his driver would take me to my hotel. Now I probably shouldn't publish this as my mom just finished lecturing me about being too friendly, and that I'm going to end up getting kidnapped, she's going to have to spend all her money to try and find me, yada yada. This was after the Stalker incident. Which when she presented the Debbie Downer side of what could have happened (them poisoning me with the cocount milk that they bought me) I thought, yah that's true, better be smarter.

Well, what did I do? Sorry Mother, but I took the ride. Maybe foolishly (because in hindsight sure something could have happended) but it all seemed legit and I had no bad vibes which |I learned on Oprah to trust :) And really the rickshaw drivers are probably a worse option (but I shouldn't delve into that or you'll worry even more). So anyhoo, sure enough we dropped the BigWig off at his office and then braved the infamous Bangalore traffic for probably another hour to drop me off.

I got to see the "lorry stick," one which was made of wood and another, which apparently hurts more, of fiberglass, which they use when they are going on inspections. Apparently without a lorry you're screwed as the ispectors would be defenseless against the hooligans. We talked about prositution, the staff's take on why women prostitute and what should be done about it. His position was that many women want easy money, for highly important items in Indian society such as gold and expensive sarees. They would rather sell their bodies than do backbreaking labour in the hot fields in villages. I'm reading a non-fiction book about Bombay dance bars right now and am getting a different take though, which is that these women have all been abused or sold usually by their family and that this is their only chance of freedom from the men and the abuse in their lives. By leaving they can choose who they "service" vs it being their father, uncle or husband. I would tend to think that the book is more accurate.

So I safely arrived at the Sri Krishna International Hotel, where the Canadians stayed when we were in Bangalore for Sanjeev and Diana's wedding. I got the same room and it felt great to be "home." I ate at my favourite restaraunt where they knew me, as did the hotel staff, and it was just nice :)

I'm ashamed to say that the next day I went to my favourite place, Mantri Mall, for probably the 5th time. But in all fairness I was running errands, including buying shirts for Jose, my old roomie. Later I stopped in at Sanjeev's parents for a visit and of couse dinner which as per usual involved more food than I wanted but which was "compulsory" a word Sanjeev's mom likes to use!

And the following morning..the Andaman Islands!

　

A Disheartening Realization

For the last week I've been having an internal struggle about Odanadi. It started with the discovery, through the case histories that I was doing, and my time with the counsellors, that with the exception of one young woman, none of the current residents of Odanadi (totalling 58) are victims of trafficking, Now sure, this is something to celebrate; that these girls, many of whom I have developed a close connection with, have not had to be rescued from sex slavery.

What I am having a hard time with is that Odanadi presents itself as an organization that does just this; rescues and rehabilitates victims of trafficking. This is the reason I chose to come, given my interest in the anti-trafficking movement and desire to learn as much as possible about it in hopes of future work in the field. Now there certainly have been "rescues" over it's 22 year history. I read files where teenagers had been rescued from situations where they had been loaned out to do domestic work for a family to pay back a loan for example. Recently they've been searching for a college student that has gone missing after being befriended by an older man who they now know is a career criminal, most notably a contract killer. I had hoped to go on this rescue mission but apparently having a pasty white girl with them was a bit too risky (little hard to blend in ya know). They also do some good things such as giving presentations about trafficking in villages, and publicize the issue which is such a huge problem in this part of the world.

That work, and the focus on trafficking is not congruent with Odanadi itself though, which is essentially a refuge for anyone experiencing any kind of issue social. There are women like Renukha who left an abusive husband; orphans; children whose family cannot take care of them for various reasons; girls who have been rejected by their family because they have fallen in love with a man/married man; girls with mental health issues; and children whose families are too poor to care for them. All situations that are certainly not great, and which are worthy of providing these children and women shelter, but, they are not victims of trafficking who need to be rehabilitated from the horrors of same, as the organization presents.

Human trafficking is a hot issue these days, and one which grabs the attention and sympathy of people all over the world. So I get it; the human trafficking cause is going to garner more funding and more hands on support than say a shelter for victims of domestic violence. The current Volunteer Coordinator has told me that many volunteers will ask him to point out the trafficking victims; people are fascinated by the whole idea, and I can't criticize that interest, as I am the same way.

My favourite resident who I will just refer to as G, is the one true trafficking victim there. She is in her 20s, deaf, mute (or as they still say, deaf and dumb) and with HIV. She was rescued by police several years ago after being found involved in prostitution. Her exact age is unknown and she was named by staff upon arrival as she was of course unable to communicate. She was no doubt infected with HIV as part of her sex work. Well what can I say, G is just a joy!! She's a pretty girl with a short, "boy cut" like me (which makes me like her more as us Boy Cuts need to stick together!) and which she likes to cut often and quite unevenly, yet after a day or so, it just works! Many girls would kill for her hairstyle! She makes noises which I would describe as "googly googly goo" (an impression that I am ashamed to say I am quite good at) and is always telling stories with her gestures and actions. One day I thought I got a disclosure from her; that she had had a baby when she used to wear a saree and was perhaps married, and that a man had taken the baby away. Well it turns out she was telling me about the time that she got out of Odanadi and while AWOL was given a roti, 5 rupees and slippers from some kind people. Hahaha!! The staff and residents are really quite good at deciphering what she is saying, and communicating to her what she needs to do. Me, not so much :)  G has a beautiful smile and always wants to shake hands yet is not affectionate unlike many other girls who I'm scared I'm going to get lice from. But after returning from the Northern Karnataka tour she gave me the biggest smile and hugged me! So cute! Today I accompanied her part way to the bus stop where she was catching a bus to go to the hospital (she recently had TB plus gets regular treatment for her HIV) and is was so cute; she held my hand as we walked and then stopped to shake the hand of a village woman. I can totally see how she got all that loot when she was AWOL; you just can't help but love her..she truly brightens my day! So G is an example of who volunteers have visions of when they come to work at Odanadi.

The residents for the most part are content and well cared for. I do have some issues with their diet, which is the same everyday; rice and sambar with little protein, few vegetables, fruit and milk. Only 1500 rupees ($30) is spent per month on vegetables. Their clothes and hygiene could certainly also be better, more like the children I saw at the HIV centre in Bangalore. Odanadi certainly has a nice building which took 6 years to build but it is way bigger than what they need; and they don't have a playground or anything for the kids to do beyond be entertained by volunteers.

The current focus is on raising funds for a boys home, for which they need 1 million rupees (I'm a social worker so you do the math, divide by 50). They currently have only 9 boys but apparently there are many more out there that need Odanadi's help. Fundraising efforts are taking place all over the world. They have branches in the US, UK and Netherlands which raise money for Odanadi on top of individual volunteers who both donate while here and/or fundraise in their home country. Every year there is also a worldwide Yoga Stops Traffic event that raises money for Odanadi. And again, right now all of the donations are supposedly going to the construction of this boys home. Yet the residents no longer get eggs or bananas because there is no money. One could argue that this is about a value difference, but I'm not so sure.

My feeling is that two huge, beautiful buildings full of children give legitimacy to the organization, validating what they are doing, which again, to the world is rescuing and rehabilitating victims of trafficking, but not the reality. The bigger the organization, no doubt the more funding, more volunteers, more notoriety which the Directors/Founders already have given the frequent publicity  of what they are doing. Apparently Odanadi's model is being replicated all over India in regards to the handling of trafficking victims.

That is what I am having difficulty with. If they presented Odanadi (the home) as a refuge for people from all kinds of disadvantaged situations, then fine. I am sure volunteers and funding will still come. But I feel that they are tricking people into believing that they are rescuing and rehabilitating victims of trafficking, leading them to donate their time and money to help. I am one of those people! And I don't feel good about letting it continue.

I should mention that during my travels to Northern Karnataka, what I had learned about Odanadi, was confirmed by other people; big wigs from other, reputable organizations. People say that 90% of NGOs in India are money making ventures, which I would argue is the same in other parts of the world as I've seen it before. So it leaves one feeling disheartened, especially when you want to help yourself, yet can't find a genuine place to do so.

I happen to be living with one of the directors, who to me, appears to have his heart in the right place. The residents love and respect him, he is very gentle and caring with them and is like a father figure to them, which includes many many others who have lived at Odanadi over the years. I don't know what the real deal is to be honest. Maybe I am naive, maybe I just don't want to believe what is going on. I live in the director's huge, beautiful house where his family lives well. Is that where the money is going? I don't know. And because I live here, and have a connection to the family, I feel like I can't raise my concerns. It just feels like a conflict. But, the word is out because of me, and others now know, who may spread the word even farther. I hope so, as it just isn't right.

I am in my final days at Odanadi, and the residents I will surely miss. In such a short time there is such a connection with many of them, and I know they will be sad to see me go. Despite what has been revealed, the girls are amazing, the experience has been lovely, and has enriched my life for sure. I can only hope that I have brought something to theirs as well, as it is them who deserve it most :)

The Northern Karnataka Adventure-A Brothel, Prison and More!

So I finished up volunteering in Mysore in early February but in true Crystal fashion decided that it wouldn't be the final goodbye; that I would come back for a brief time before leaving. The reasons were twofold; first, I had been working on some child protection policies for Odanadi which were presented to the staff and volunteer coordinator just before leaving, so I didn't feel good about leaving without knowing they had been implemented, which I would need to come back for. Secondly, I hate goodbyes; particularly when there is a good possibility that I will never see people again, or at least for a long time. The girls were having a hard time with the fact that both Nino and I, the two regular volunteers, were leaving the same day, so it softened the blow to be able to say "see you later" vs "goodbye."

So my newfound life coach/fellow volunteer Nino and  I shared a car to Bangalore where I headed back to Sanjeev's parents' house. It was great to be back in Bangalore, now my second home in India, and to see Sanjeev's family again. The plan though was to leave that night with Dr. Shiva Halli, a friend of Sanjeev's/University of Manitoba Professor with the Faculty of Medicine, on a 4 day tour of Northern Karnataka. Sanjeev had connected me with Shiva prior to leaving re: possible volunteer projects in India given he is from India and has spearheaded HIV projects for sex trade workers in his home state of Karnataka as part of his role at the U of M. These projects have been funded by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation and have been hugely successful, in large part due to his professional background as well as his knowledge of India, its culture, language, social issues etc. Shiva was in India for the wedding where we met, at which time he offered to take me on a tour of the projects in February when he returned. So I decided to take him up on the offer, not knowing him barely at all, nor what to expect from the tour.

So that night after being driven all around Bangalore so the rickshaw driver could charge me double, and almost missing my train, off we headed to Northern Karnataka. I was happy to be on a sleeper train in India once again, as it has always been a highlight for me. Hearing the chai man go up and down the aisles, sleeping in a bunk bed...Apart from having to wake up the next morning early, I love it.

We arrived in a small town the following morning; 4:15 a.m. and were met with a private jeep and driver (provided by his office) to take us to a university guesthouse where we could nap and freshen up. The guesthouse was lovely and hit the spot after the train ride. Then breakfast there and off we went (after meeting the university head who came to meet us in his car with the red light on top; something I strive to have someday) :) Then after two pit stops and more food (Indian people don't take no for an answer) they dropped me off in Hampi (pronounced Humpy) where I stayed overnight while Shiva attended a wedding which I politely declined to attend sans saree.

Hampi is the land of the Flinstones; full of huge boulders and rocks, which is so unique and interesting. It's also an outdoor museum, full of old temples and monuments. I got there, took a boat across the river to which I learned was the "sinner side" where alcohol and meat were allowed. These things aren't allowed on the other side given the temples are there. After finding a hut-like guesthouse I strolled around the town, just taking in the landscape and watching sunset on one of the big boulders.

That night I went to a brothel, oops, I mean for a massage. After some trepidation I chose to have a massage by a male staff at this small little place given the female was busy. I had doubts about whether this was allowed in India but the guy assured me that he had worked on women before and was cool with it, so I was like, ok. Any of you who have had an ayurvedic massage before know what went down. I won't go into great detail but essentially there wasn't much that didn't get massaged, leading to me feeling kinda guilty afterwards; that perhaps I had come pretty close to a brothel experience! Poor guy was forced into doing something he was uncomfortable with, against his morals, religion and so on? But then I left and realized that the 1.5 hour massage had been 2 hours, so who ended up being the victim after all?? Ay yay yay..massages in India are always a good story I tell ya..

The next morning I strolled around the area and saw a few monuments, but to be honest they don't do much for me. Maybe it's because of spending 3 days exploring millions of temples in Cambodia (as in Angkor Wat), in the sweltering heat and almost dying of heat stroke (thanks Creen), I don't know, but the Flinstone-ish area was more interesting to me.

That afternoon Shiva picked me up and we headed to Bijapur for a friend's birthday party where I met a family who were having a pooja the next morning for their new sugar factory. Everyone at the party was attending but Shiva had a whole day of sightseeing planned for me along with the vehicle and driver. After meeting all the people though, including the daughter who went to university in the US, we were able to change the plan so I could go too.

The next morning Shiva and I got up for 7 to see a dome; the second largest in the world next to the Vatican, followed by a huge Shiva statue which I also liked. Then we headed out to the middle of nowhere for the pooja. So essentially it was an event to bless the sight for the sugar factory and to give thanks to the farmers who had sold their land to accommodate it as well as to support it once built. There were at least 500 people there during which they had the religious ceremony followed by speeches, offerings and lunch. What's cool about this is that this sugar factory will help over 20,000 very poor farmers in the area so there was reason for celebration.

So first there were few women, and certainly no other white peeps, so as you can imagine I stood out like a sore thumb. Actually I am pretty sure some of these farmers may not have even seen a white person before. Lets just say there was no blending in :) So the speeches

were happening and I was taking it all in, despite not understanding anything, when the daughter, Rashmi, says they are going to have me come up to give a garland to her mother. I'm like "WHAT, WHY?? NO, NO!!" Rashmi is like "they won't listen, you're white" (so basically that was the reason and there was no choice). So up I went and did that. As you all know I looove being on the spot in front of a crowd. After that I relaxed thinking I was done. Well then they announced who I was and asked me to come up and get an offering (the only others getting offerings were the priests there to give the pooja and the owners of the factory). So up I go again and receive a garland, shawl and fruit platter and have my picture taken. Lovely. Apparently they had hoped that I would say something so they could hear how I talked; thankfully I didn't hear that until after. So after that was all over there was a quick lunch and I was whisked off solo like a celeb to the next place. An unforgettable day that's for sure and this family, the sugar factory family, was so generous and hospitable it was incredible. Oh yah and turns out that I made the newspaper with my appearance. I'm awaiting a copy which I will need translated but sure didn't think that would ever happen in India :)

After that I was taken to an office in Bijapur which heads up the HIV program for sex trade workers. Once there I was told that I needed to go to the brothel right away as it would close at 5. Essentially the outreach workers couldn't go after that time. So away I went with a translator and another staff who is a sex trade worker herself, and sadly HIV positive. The program has staff who are still working; thus entrenched in the scene so they are in the know and trusted by the girls. On the way I couldn't believe it was happening, that I was actually going to a brothel!!

I learned that the program works with 2600 active sex workers and another 2000 who are "retired" in that district alone. There are 4 types of sex trade workers in India; those that work in the brothels, on the street, at the truck stops, and finally the "devadasi" which is based in religion where girls are offered to the temple and/or community as a type of offering and sadly that is their destiny; sex work. Approximately 10% of the women have HIV.

The KHPT program does outreach, distributing condoms, educating about safe sex, they run groups and so on. It is all based on research and analysis which is now world renowned and being duplicated in other parts of the world such as Kenya, with the staff from Karnataka spearheading. So it is pretty impressive what they have accomplished.

The brothel wasn't tucked away and hard to find. It was on a busy side street next to stores and regular folks going about their daily business. We pulled right up, the door was open and we walked right in. There was a small concrete area in the middle and the building circled it. The women were all right there, and a couple of children as well. It was pretty old and run down but yet not nasty in terms of cleanliness. I learnt that there were 30 women living there, and no children; it seems that the children were the madam's or someone else's. I didn't see their bedrooms but did see where the sex work would actually happen; and it was just a small, empty room with a mat. The girls were not shy at all and greeted me right away; including one feisty one who took my picture on her cell phone right away. For yet another porn site no doubt :) We all gathered in a room where I explained why I was there (through a translator), followed by some questions.

The women were older; I would say mainly 30s, although they probably were younger than they looked, which I would describe as "worn." They all wore different coloured sarees and were certainly not thin or what you would expect them to look like. Two were sisters, all were mothers (which brought smiles to their faces) and only 3 were married. None of these women were trafficked; they are all there by choice. Shiva told me that they aren't interested in any other work; that it's what they're used to, it's easy and they get sucked in. They go home to their villages every month where their children are, and their families may not even know what they are doing in the city. There was an old woman there as well who is the madam. I didn't really get to know much about her but it seemed that she basically just keeps the place going. She certainly didn't seem like someone who could be much of an enforcer though as she looked pretty fragile.

Shiva arrived after some time which really made the girls happy as he's known them for years and he's such a friendly, social guy that he's loved by all. So there was laughing, joking, his typical slaps on the back, after which he joined us. Then one of the girls who is also a peer worker, brought her makeup kit over and started slapping makeup on me! I got some foundation, then she pulled down my lower eyelid and brushed some black liner underneath for a sultry Indian style look, then red and black dots between the eyebrows. After that my hair clip was taken out and my hair brushed out and parted. Just a couple weeks before in a personal hygiene class I had taught the Odanadi girls not to share combs to prevent lice and here I was sharing a comb with a brothel worker! But in the end it was a pretty good look and I'm sure I could have pulled in quite a few rupees had they put me to work :) They wanted to put me in a saree as well but unfortunately there was no time. I wanted to stay so badly and they wanted me to stay too but I had to go. We took some pics and we were on our way. What an amazing experience!

We were supposed to meet with another group; the MSMs (Men Who Have Sex With Men) but they were some other place so after a brief visit at the office where I learned a bit more about the program, we were off to hit 2 more tourist spots that Shiva wanted me to see.

Then after a full 12 hours of non-stop action Shiva asked me if I wanted to see a traditional village. I was exhausted by this time but first, I can't say no to Shiva, and second, I wanted the opportunity, so away we went. Turns out we were going to his sister's village so big shocker, once again he knew lots of people.

The village was very different than villages I've been to before. The houses were stone, inside and out, with the front part for animals, such as goats, with the part behind being the sitting area/bedroom. I only ever saw one bed though despite the families being 4 plus. In the back there was a kitchen with a little fire pit with no ventilation. The girls and women spend a lot of time here sucking in toxic fumes all of their lives, no doubt causing many problems. The houses are quite dark with lights turned on only sparingly, if at all, depending on how well off the family is. We visited several houses and in all we were offered something; tea, biscuits, and dinner. Thankfully I had told Shiva earlier that I was avoiding dairy and was not a fan of milk, because at one place they wanted to go milk the goat to give me some fresh milk! So with his help I got out of that one!

I heard stories of girls' marriages being pre-arranged when they were 3 or 5 (not that they actually married then, but it was pre-set who they would marry later on). Also about family members who were 16 and already pregnant after marrying. Some of the girls were in school and you could tell that Shiva was trying to mentor and encourage them to continue with their education. It was obvious being there that education really is the key for girls to have any chance of a better life. I couldn't help but wonder what brought these people happiness, as life was so tough, and for girls, their destinies were set, with not much to look forward to. We walked through the streets with animals everywhere, the very popular "Why this Kolaveri" tune playing like you would hear in the city, dirt roads which no doubt are used as toilets given nobody has a bathroom, and kids playing...It was a great opportunity to experience real village life.

Shiva had yet another "program" as they say in India (vs plan) after that, but thankfully I was able to get out of that one. His energy, stamina and endless social engagements are incredible.

So Shiva had been using his tremendous "social capital" as he called it, to try and get us into a prison knowing how passionate I am about them. Many calls had been taking place over the days and strings were being pulled. I knew it would be difficult as I had tried to get into a prison in Goa, India, 2 years earlier and was struck down. I was told that only family members could visit, so knowing that wasn't expecting it to happen. After a couple brief meetings with some people in the morning (not a shock), we headed to the jail. We were directed to the home of the "warden"on the prison grounds but was told he was in the shower and to come back in a half hour. So we hung around the jail all the while I really wasn't expecting to get in, knowing how these things work. And then after a short time, just like that we were ushered in and the tour began instantly. I could not believe it and was just giddy with excitement!

First, the jail had been built as a guesthouse in the 1600s so was a massive castle-like building. Once inside we were brought to a separate area where the female inmates are housed; all 38 of them. As we entered the women were all lined up; the convicted women on one side, with praying hands, some of which looked like Mother Theresa as they were super old and dressed in white. The women in "undertrial" (not yet convicted)were in sarees on the other side. Some children were also present as they are allowed by law to be with their mothers until age 6 after which they go to orphanages. That was sure a somber sight...

After that we were brought to a section just inside the jail where 6 men were standing, all that were new inmates brought in the night before. We witnessed a type of roll call where our guide/prison guard called out their names to which they responded and confirmed their charge. Two were charged with murder (it appeared to be the same case), a couple were in for fighting and another couple were in for a fraud type of case. I felt uncomfortable during this part, being witness to this process as they must have felt quite ashamed being on display to these foreigners, especially being new to the system. One of the men hung his head constantly. Shiva on the other hand, interacted with several of them, asking them questions and telling the fighters that it could happen to any of us and not to get down about it yada yada. I was shocked that the guard was letting him interact with them this way!

Then a full tour followed. First we saw the work stations where those convicted already are given jobs as tailors, carpenters, and rug makers. They earn a wage and what isn't used at the prison, such as the clothing, is sold. They believe in both keeping inmates active in order to keep them of sound mind, as well as to teach them a skill as a form of rehabilitation. I was impressed with that as so often inmates are just housed with nothing to do which not only drives them crazy, makes them aggressive and does nothing to help them for when they are released. Then we saw the cells which all border on an inner courtyard which they use for outdoor rec such as volleyball. The cells hold 60 and as we walked through some of the barracks the men were sitting on mats on the floor kind of absently. Although overcrowded as the jail has over 500 men whereas is built for 200s, it was clean and orderly.Then we were shown the library which had a group of men reading the newspaper. They are also taught basic reading and writing by a teacher. There is also a chapel where they can go and pray. The large, outdoor bathroom area was really clean and I have to say in general the whole place was very clean and not at all what I was expecting. We also saw the kitchen where inmates have jobs, and saw a typical meal; 20 roti per day plus rice, sambar and another dish of something. Plus chai in the morning and buttermilk in the evening; thus 2 meals a day. I thought that was pretty good, and it put into perspective the situation at Odanadi where the girls don't get anywhere close to that. That really saddened me, and along with some of the other concerning info that I had been hearing about Odanadi, contributed to my deteriorating opinion of it. The other interesting thing was that the food is tasted by a guard before every meal to ensure it tastes good enough and if not they may have to spice er up!

Upstairs we visited the clinic where all the new and half naked inmates (va va voom!) were getting their first check up. We saw the hospital bed area and interacted with the Dr. and his helper who runs the pharmacy. The Dr. raved about how great this guy and turns out the guy, who was very friendly and spoke English, had been a medical student before being arrested, and was serving a life sentence (minimum 14 years) for murder. He was 11 or so years in so with his good service will most likely be paroled at the end of his sentence.

The whole prison scene was very calm and all the inmates presented as very respectful towards the guards. They would often bow to them with praying Namaste hands. Some of the older inmates assist with security/supervision of the others, just like in Nepal, which surely helps in terms of prison relations. But we were also told that the inmates in this prison are very easy to manage and respectful as they aren't hardcore criminals like in the city, and are all pretty much from the village, so that is just their nature.But besides the respectful nature of the prisoners, I also felt that the guards were friendly and respectful to the inmates.

At the end of our tour we met the warden who we had been waiting for, and at the same time some hoity toity govt guy showed up to ensure we had had no problem getting in. He had been sent by the person Shiva had pulled the strings with. I tell you, in India it isn't about what you know, it's about who you know! I was so grateful to have had this experience, honestly I almost cried at one point during the tour. It was an all access and incredibly informative experience. And as I said it was nothing like I expected. I was impressed with the cleanliness, the reciprocal respect between guards and inmates, the diet, and importance given to rehabilitation. It shattered my preconceived notions about what conditions would be like in India, so was a pleasant surprise.

I told Shiva I didn't care about anything else after the prison visit..that we could do whatever as I was so blissfully happy. I thought we had nothing more to do that day but of course I was wrong. On the way back to where we needed to catch the train, we stopped in and visited a couple doctor friends, toured a huge mansion of one of theirs, stopped in at the in-laws, and then back to the guesthouse where we had stayed the first night for a rest before catching the train. After the prison, all the socializing on the way back and the drive I was exhausted (never mind the days of trying to keep up with Shiva!) After an overnight train, which was a bit more ghetto than the first one, and on which the trusty early morning chai/coffee guys. I had missed hearing them on the first train journey...so be careful what you wish for is the lesson in that!

That morning back in Bangalore after checking into yet another free guesthouse; this one KHPTs (which was lovely and made me want Shiva's life even more), I went with him to the office that runs the projects that I have been referring to. There I met some bigwigs and learnt more about KHPTs programs and accomplishments; one being a HIV/AIDS Palliative Care Unit and orphanage for HIV infected children. Just like that arrangements were made for a car to pick me up that afternoon and take me to the project, which was more than 1.5 hours by car. Seriously? Man I felt lucky!! Give me these kinds of exepriences over tourist attractions anyday!

The tour was as excellent as the project. It is run by a group of Indian Catholic priests, in their late 20s-30s and Camillians from the Kerala region. The one part, Snehadaan, is the hospital part where there are currently 20 patients. I saw many of the patients and it was a sad sight knowing what their fate would be. The program follows another 80 patients or so who live in the community. They are a teaching organization as well so do lots of training of professionals and sensitization work in the community.

Then we visited Sneha Care Home on the same campus, which is a 100 bed facility for children who are HIV positive and are either orphaned or partially orphaned. If they have a parent, they may be living there because their one parent is ill with the disease themselves, or perhaps the parent is unable to provide care due to say homelessness. I was struck by the buildings which are very new, beautiful and child friendly. The children were well dressed and not attention seeking. They seemed happy and content, playing in different areas and doing their own thing rather than having nothing to do and/or being all over strangers like they would be at Odanadi. It's amazing what kind of perspective I got after leaving Odanadi. The school is right on the grounds and the classrooms are decorated beautifully. They have a learn at your own pace program researched and adopted by the Father/Director. There is also a big focus on value education, and I don't mean about religion, but rather about teaching the children about love, respect and so on. They build on kids' strengths and encourage whatever they are good at to build their self esteem, confidence etc. There is a reward system and kids are celebrated for positive achievements. They have an activity staff who coordinates recreation and the complex has a playground, sports area and so on. There is a medical unit where they track and analyze the children's health and interestingly enough have found that nutrition has more of an impact on their health than the HIV medication that a good number are on. So their diet is carefully administered and bolstered for health reasons. They have animals on the property that the children assist with, a performance area where they learn dance, yoga etc. And although they have some international volunteers, they rely on the local staff to care for the children which is great. It translates to better consistency for the children who by the way are all taught English and speak very well. Children who have family go home on holidays after a pre-visit assessment.  and family are encouraged to visit them as well which is reportedly common.

Honestly, I think Sneha is the best run NGO I have come across. They presented as so professional, so caring and cautious with the children, and have really crafted the program to meet all of the children's needs. Their new endeavour is the create a facility for youth ages 12 plus which will focus more on vocational training. They are losing one of their main funders in September so will be looking for alternative funding. After being there and being so impressed by the work they are doing, I for one will be "adopting" a child and contributing to their monthly care, which according to their newsletter is only 2000 rupees per month ($40). For more info the website is www.snehacarehome.org.

And so this is where the Northern Karnataka adventure ends and a return visit to Bangalore begins; seeing Sanjeev's family and visiting some of the old haunts...Feels like home!

Diary of a Stalker

Those of you who are on Facebook may have read that I have a stalker..well I actually have two in India, but the second one puts the first one to shame. So this is how the story goes...

Last Sunday afternoon I decided to go check out Chamundi Hill, a major tourist attraction in Mysore which I felt I needed to see before I left. Got there with no problem after talking to a local that I had met at the market (saved me 160 rupees too as a rickshaw driver had quoted me 200 rupees and the bus cost 40) Yipee!! (How can you can tell I'm Ukrainian!) Anyway, the attraction was a sacred temple at the top of the hill which I didn't feel the need to go into as I've been to many, so I was just strolling around when I was asked by a guy to take a picture with him. Now this might seem weird and I am sure you are thinking Crystal, this was your first mistake Crystal, but honestly it happens a lot. Indian people are thrilled to take pictures with, or of, foreigners. So they took a couple pics and we got to talking.They were 3 guys from Delhi; two brothers and a friend. Two were studying audiology in Mysore and another was an engineer, in town visiting. We chatted for awhile about various things and it was all good; it's just one of those nice experiences when you are travelling when you meet local people who are delighted to be speaking with someone from another country. 

The 3 boyz from Delhi

I wanted to see the view of the city from the top so they came with. The two friends went and bought a coconut and brought me one too which was nice. Little did they know I'm not a huge fan of coconut water. Again we just stood around and chatted. Then we took the bus back down to the city together. By this time Stalker (one of the brothers and engineer) had wanted quite a few pictures of him and I and the other two seemed to be enjoying the fact that it was obvious he liked me. On the way to the bus he said in a quieter tone "maam you sit with me ok?" then he paid for my fare. On the way back lots of topics were covered and during which he presented as quite intense; talking about politics and his opinions on things that were a tad inappropriate and required a quieter tone as apparently talking about some of these things are illegal. We all know I like bad boys but not this kind unfortunately.

Once at the bus station he asked me to a movie, saying that he just wanted to spend more time with me. Over and over I had to tell him that I needed to get home yada yada. I needed to get away at this point as it was getting too intense. It took a lot of convincing. While we were standing there, the other two brought me a plastic ganesh filled with grains from Indian as a present. Not an attractive gift but sweet nonetheless. The other two were quite lovely actually; totally unlike Stalker. I assertively said my goodbyes after more pictures, the exchange of emails and handshakes. Stalker was quite sad at this point as he had really wanted to take me to a movie.

Before heading to my bus I went to the washroom and when I came out, guess who was waiting. While walking with me, which he insisted on, he told me that he just wanted to see me off, and spend more time with me; that "God only knows when we will see eachother again so I just want to tell you that..I really like you." At that moment I saw that my bus was ready to leave, thank God, and so I was like, "ok gotta go!" He asked for a hug goodbye following which I allowed a side hug which led to him pulling me in and kissing my cheek...well I think more my hair cuz I was fast enough to turn. I felt like such a whore because people just don't do that in India! And I had to board the bus of people with him standing outside staring at me. But..I was free at last..So before the bus was barely out of the terminal he was calling me..yes yes, I never should have given out my number, but after hanging out with them for awhile it didn't seem like a big deal. Boy was I wrong...This is the point when I entered the name "Stalker" into my phone with his number. To follow is the chronology of texts after...and a lesson for all of you!

7:22 pm  Hi, it's me Dushyant. Hv u reached home safely? I'm vry worried. Pls reply.

As it didn't appear that he was going to give up, after several calls I answered while having a chai with my friend Nino. During this convo he told me again how much he liked me and asked me if I liked him too, to which I replied "only as a friend." He then asked "what if I proposed marriage to you" something like that and I was like "no" very matter of fact. FML. Anyway I can't remember what else he said. It was all a blur after the marriage proposal.

9:55 pm   I had ma dinnr. Wt abt u?

12:07 am- M not able to sleep. Just thinking of u only. U have pics of ours in ur cam. Pls send them to me also on my email id. Gd nt swt drms.

4:24 am- Hi..gud mng. I m leaving 4 \Bangalore. Will luv 2 meet u again in future. U pls tk care of u. Love u.

8:50 am- Hi..gud mng sweety. Hv a gr8 day. Tk cr.

11:39 am- Hws u?

So after all these texts and many calls where I didn't answer my friend and newfound life coach Nino suggested that I send him a message being nice yet honest. So at 12:39 pm I sent the text " I am fine thank you. I really enjoyed meeting you three yesterday and appreciate the generosity and friendship. I am sorry but I am not interested in anything more and am finding all the messages to be too much. I hope you understand! Have a good day..Crystal

Nino gave me a thumbs up for that and suggested that I am softening. Apparently I can be somewhat difficult :)

2:09 pm- Dear i admit my msgs were 2 much n i m also guilty 4 dat. But pls nvr brk our frndshp. i'll b gratful to u. Tk cr.

After that there were many calls which I didn't answer.

So the next day...

4:39 pm- Hi..hws u? Yesterday i called u many times but u didn't picked d fon. R u still angry of me? Pls 4give me. I wanna talk to u. Pls reply.

8:48 pm- For god sake pls pick up the fon or mg me whn u r free.

For the record I was out and about and not just sitting around avoiding his pleas to talk. But the "for god sake got to me and I texted back "I'm not angry with you. I am just finding your messages way too much and I'd like you to please stop."

9:11 pm- I m so sorry 4 my msgs n i m really guilty 4 dat. I jus want to say sorrry on fon. Pls pck my fon. For god sake.

9:21 pm- Dear i'll b gr8ful to u if u will gv me chance to say sorry 2 u. U dnt worry, i m nt gonna ask u fr any kind of help. I jus wanna say sorry, nthng else. Pls jus gv me a chnce 2 prove me dat i m not a bad guy. Pls fr god sake.

9:26 pm- Did u sent me those pics in ur camera to my email id? Pls rply.

9:36 pm- Cn i call u rite nw? Pls rply.

9:42 pm- M i such a bad guy dat u dnt wanna speak to me or u jus avoiding me cos i m so ugly n u vry beautiful?

In his words..oh for God's sake already!!! So I sent him "I have been out all nite and haven't been able to talk. Tomorrow is better." That was after Life Coach reminded me how awful it is when you've screwed up with somebody and want to make things right. Again trying to be softer.

So the next day he called, I answered, he apoogized, and cried. Yes, he cried. At this point I knew that he must have some mental health issues. Geez Louise. So I explained over and over, no worries, just no more calls, we can be Facebook friends, but no more. He asked whether he could call me "once in a blue moon" which soft Crystal agreed to, and after some time, him telling me to be careful at night because it was dangerous, he worried yada yada, we ended the call. Thirty seconds later guess who called? I was like for eff sakes!!! So I answered, shortly reminding him of our agreement, to which he said he had forgotten to ask me about helping him start an NGO. I ended that pretty quick and..the good news is that a week has passed and nothing. Phew, what an experience (that I don't want to repeat).


And after all that, Stalker #1 was clearly disappointed that I wasn't able to hang out with him before leaving Mysore, and being all passive aggressive texted me saying "ok its alright, carry on goodnight." Oh Lord save me. 

Crazier than a shithouse rat!