Crappy Lunch, Amazing Eavesdropping

Okay so the last post was pretty depressing...Debbie Downer-ish I know. Well on Sunday I had a fantastic experience which I'd like to share...

So I decided to go into Mysore for the day to meander around the city and enjoy some of the places that I like, probably for the last time as I am leaving next Friday. So I went to the Park Lane Hotel where we had stayed on the honeymoon tour and where I had amazing banana porridge.  The restaurant there has an outdoor terrace type thing and it seemed like a nice place to spend a bit of the afternoon. I was also hoping to see the slow ass waiter that I nicknamed "One Speed Steve" which I did.  Sanjeev and Nicole will remember :)

Well first, porridge isn't served after 10:30 a.m..FML..so I will have to live with the memory of the fantastic porridge that I had that day (and those reading this blog that had the porridge along with me will understand my enthusiasm for it because they too loved it and it was the start of their own love for the porridge) :) Anyhoo, so I had just sat down when a couple in their mid-late 20s sat at the next table. I was looking forward to a little quiet time so wasn't too thrilled with their close proximity at first, but then it turned into the best experience ever!

This couple had been set up to meet by their parents, as in they were arranging for them to marry, and they were meeting for the first time to see whether they were a match or not. Traditionally couples didn't get to meet before the marriage and saw eachother for the first time the day of the wedding. Nowadays it is more common for them to meet and date so to speak prior to the wedding. I guess depending on the family the girl or guy may not have much choice in the decision, but in this situation it seemed that he was all for it, and was waiting for her response as to whether she was in as well.

My food took forever to come (One Speed Steve probably had something to do with that) but I didn't care because I got to hear their entire conversation given how close they were to me, and that it was all in English. And I tried to be all cool about it, you know like I wasn't all up in their grills and all, but they didn't seem to care regardless. I guess concentrating on likely their future husband or wife is more important than a pasty white girl chilling next to them! 

He was initially worried about whether the restaurant was fancy enough, and apparently she isn't too hoity toity as she was fine with it. She's from Bangalore so had come to Mysore to meet with him. He had already met her parents and quite liked them. According to her, her father loooves him and is not considering any other men for her. But he asked her more than once, like I'm sure men in other parts would, "so are you sure you're not seeing any other guys?"A little later he asked her what she would tell her family to which she said she would tell them he was cute. Oh he loved that and asked her again "oh so you think I'm good looking?" hahahaha...He didn't tell her that she was pretty which I thought would have been nice, but he did make it clear that he wanted her to say yes. He kept checking in as to what her answer would be; was the wedding on? And a little later his mother called him to see how it was going which I thought was hilarious..talk about pressure for the poor girl!

It was nice though because he told her that even though her father was all for it, that he wanted her to be sure herself. Early on he asked her what her rules were i.e. what if he wanted to go out with his friends, what would she say about that? Well she played it all cool, like that was no big deal, that she is easy going, and liked to go out with her friends too. I didn't think he seemed enthusiastic about that, and he said later that he is the type of guy that will be with her all the time (when he has the chance I guess) and that he is a one girl kinda guy. I was thinking, run for the Himalayas girl, he's gonna suffocate you, haha! Apparently he likes girls to dress proper for occasions, in a saree, with all the bling, and I'm sure she felt a bit awkward about that in her t-shirt and jeans. He seemed quite traditional to me, and her not as much, although she said her father made her change sometimes before she went out so I guess she is used to it. Her parents had wanted her to wear a dress that day, but I was like yah girl, wear what you want!

Thank God they didn't talk about sex, although we all know that's what he was thinking..at one point he said "I can't believe I'm getting married" with a smile. Dirty Dawg. :)

Then they went into the touchy topic of children and she wants no more than 2. I got the sense that he wanted more, but he didn't say. Good thing it wasn't me that he was set up, cuz he wouldn't have been too happy when I told him ZERO, I want ZERO!! He acknowledged at one point that they were both "at our sweetest" with eachother at that point because they wanted to make a good impression, and aint that the truth. You aren't going to tell the girl you want 8 kids on the first date!

So the convo continued..he wanted to teach her to golf which she wasn't into, he wants to just have a happy life (no shit Sherlock, don't we all), he's an engineer and she works in the computer industry and on and on...

So you can probably tell from the title that lunch was crappy. For one I had cheese garlic naan which my friend could smell on me the following afternoon :) but I felt incredibly lucky to have witnessed this occasion which I am sure most people would never experience. Arranged marriages have always fascinated me, as in western culture we cannot comprehend how our parents could choose our life mate and that that would be our destiny. But here, for the most part, it is not something that is resented or feared. It is accepted as part of their culture and if that is the family's belief, most children would never want to go against that. Of course there are stories of people falling in love, and having to end it because their family would never accept it. This happened to my Stalker #1 here and his ex "girlfriend." They had to end it otherwise her parents would have committed suicide apparently. There are worse cases of honour killings where girls are killed because they have fallen for someone in a lower caste. In fact that occurred while I was here as it was in the paper. But apparently it is quite rare now thank goodness. Or at least it is more contained to villages where the cases are less likely to hit the news.

But back on track here...that lunch was just an incredible glimpse into a typical traditional couple in India who are preparing for an arranged marriage. And I couldn't help but wonder what their story would be 10 years from now..would they be happy together, would they have 2 children or 4, and would all the sweetness that they portrayed on their first meeting be the reality of their lives? I guess I'll never know...

Renukha

I wasn't planning on writing about Renukha today but to be honest I feel I need to as a way of coping with her story and what I witnessed from her today. Renukha is 31 and lives at Odanadi with her 10 year old daughter Nandini but has been hired to work in Stanly's house (my homestay) for a few hours each morning, cleaning, helping with the children etc. So I have had a fair bit of contact with her. Renukha is very pretty and you can see that her appearance is important to her. She speaks little English and for the first few weeks was quite meek and shy around me, saying little. I was uncomfortable with her consciousness about being a servant; for example she would sit on the floor behind me when eating her breakfast while I sat at the table and wouldn't come and sit with me even when I asked her to. "No sister she would say." She seemed shy to even acknowledge me.

I was told that she was at Odanadi because her husband was physically abusive to her, and as well, had sexually offended against their daughter. As well, he was now living with her mother, and I am talking relationship! She had lived at Odanadi once before and had returned home, but had come back again. I don't have to spell it out; this is quite a scenario. I was told that Renukha didn't seem to get it, went home at times like on special occasions, and was vulnerable to going back for good. Stanly and Kumi were trying to help her out by giving her some work and means to support herself and her daughter.

Then our relationship changed after Stanly and Kumi got into a car accident and were gone for a couple days. Three girls from Odanadi, including Renukha, were sent to take care of me (I felt like I had 3 babysitters); making sure I had food and wasn't lonely. Well Renukha became the leader of the pack given her position in the home and familiarity with me, and so became more comfortable. She doted on me hand and foot those days, and took great pleasure in it. I was able to tell her via translation that she didn't need to act like a servant, as Stanly and Kumi didn't treat her like that, and that I didn't want her to sit on the floor. For days after that she wanted to walk with me to Odanadi, sat with me at the table instead of the floor, and just sought any kind of conversation or contact with me.

With only a few words of English she disclosed some of her story; that her mother (45) was the first wife of her husband (43), and that she was the second. That he had been a carpenter earning $400/month until she got pregnant with their first child, a son. Since then (and her son is 12) he has stayed at home not working, doing nothing, drinking all the time and beating her. She said nothing about what he had done to her daughter, but did say that he was again with her mother. Renukha said that she wanted a divorce, and would stay at Odanadi.

Renukha also talked to me about her son who she described as "super." She talked about him having light skin and just gushed about how wonderful he is. He lives with her mother, husband and brother (so the children are split). Then she talked about her daughter, Nandini, who she with disgust described as black, laughing and calling her the "black tiger." She hit her head with her hand as if to say "what to do?!" about this child like it was the worst problem and burden ever. Another Odanadi girl who was with us at the time told me that Renukha wasn't nice to her daughter and that she hit her; basically as a result of her dislike of her skin colour, which of course has nothing to do with the poor girl. I was shocked at the way Renukha was talking and tried to tell her that black was beautiful and that as a white person I would love to be dark. She joked about wanting to come to Canada and work for me, and I responded by saying that I was going to take her daughter, not her, because she was not nice to her. I just couldn't believe how she was talking...

A few days later (today) I was talking to Renukha at Odanadi and asked to meet her daughter. There she came, a tiny girl who looked more like 7, shy, with dark skin and a pretty face. There sure was no motherly pride coming from Renukha, like what you would normally see. Instead she brought out pictures of her son to show me, gushing about how light he was, and how super. And in front of Nandini, while showing her picture, she was saying how black she was,calling her bad, and with a look like she was nothing. I told Nandini the opposite, that I thought she was pretty and that I liked dark skin. Renukha disagreed. I mockingly motioned that I could just shake her for how she was being, to which she just laughed. Then Renukha told Nandini that she was going home and that Nandini could stay at Odanadi.

I had a few minutes alone with Nandini after that, and she told me that she wanted to go home; that her grandmother, father and brother were all there and that she liked them all. She then told me that she didn't like her mother; that she wasn't nice. I was surprised that there was no inkling of negativity towards her father but found out later that the abuse occurred when she was 3 and that she has no memory of it. I am not sure if that is true, but what resounded with me, was that despite the dysfunction in her home, she would rather be at home, and had labelled her mother as the bad one.

Then Nandini had an issue with another child and a big drama ensued. She was crying and got no comfort from her mother, nor did she seek it which told me a lot. I never take much from training, sorry to say, but I'll never forget attachment training that I took once where we learned that when assessing attachment it is always key to observe what a child does when they need comfort rather than watching the parent. Does the child have a strong enough attachment to their caregiver to seek them out when in distress? In this case there was nothing from either side, and it was no surprise why. I was told by one of the counsellors that Renukha says "horrible things" to her daughter and that Nandini has no respect for her mother. You can certainly see why.

I left that day feeling so awful; knowing what this little girl is going to be subjected to growing up. Her mother can't stand her and basically tells her so. Her brother is the super one, the prize child, and I can only imagine the treatment he receives compared to her. Nevermind what else is going on in the family and Renukha not being a protective parent. I don't know what would be worse; Renukha leaving Nandini at Odanadi and returning home if that is her choice, and Nandini always feeling that rejection and abandonment, or taking Nandini with her to have the future that I just described. Either way it is a sad picture.

On to Mysore and Odanadi

The next day I headed to Mysore, where I would be volunteering. On the way I had the shock of seeing a dead man on the road following an accident. It was a gruesome sight; one that I haven't seen before, nor do I want to see again. With so many people in India and the craziness of the driving/road conditions, it's not surprising that accidents are common. Arriving at my homestay in Hootagalli (on the outskirts on Mysore) was a bit tricky and I wasn't sure what to expect in terms of the home. I envisioned everything between a shanty and a mansion as I have seen both in India, as well as all in between. Well, the home turned out to be a newly constructed, 3 storey beautiful home in which I have my own room and bathroom (including hot water which for me is essential). It is really lovely as are the family; Stanly (one of the founders/directors of the NGO I am volunteering with), his wife Kumi and their 2 young daughters Hani and Himanya (yes, yes, I know you are smirking about the 2 young children, but the house is quite soundproof and there is no babysitting required) :)

I started volunteering at Odanadi the next day. Odanadi is an NGO of 22 years which is a safe home for girls/women who have been trafficked or abused in some way. 58 girls/women reside in this huge home which took 6 years to build and t is quite impressive. There are also a group of boys who reside elsewhere and in hut-like conditions. The current focus is on fundraising for a proper home for them.

The ages range from 5 to 50s (with most being late teens to early 20s) with some of the oldest girls now working as staff. The younger children go to school during the day as do the oldest who are mainly in college. It impressed me that an organization funded almost entirely from donations would be able to manage to send girls to college. And as we all know, education and the promise of a career is something that can really change a girl's life. Many girls are working on their BA, BSc and so on, and many success stories have been told. Former Odanadi residents have graduated from university/college, or taken vocational training and are now working in their respective careers, and/or are married and living normal lives near and far. There is a group of girls/women who are not attending school/training for various reasons i.e. special needs, mental health issues, no interest in schooling etc and programming run by the volunteers is pretty much focused on them. Classes vary depending on the skills/interests of the volunteers but English is a staple class and others can be computer, games, jewelry making etc.

The first few days I have to admit that I wasn't too sure about things. First, one thing that I know about myself by now is that I have a hard time with transitions. Moving from Nepal to Peru was a good example of that; I was miserable for almost a month! Here I felt isolated where I was living, with no internet, in the suburbs and not yet knowing how to get around. I thought that maybe I should leave the homestay and move to a more western area called Gokulam where I would have things to do and be more connected. Also, I wasn't sure on what my role could be at Odanadi, whether I would be able to use my skills as well as learn about trafficking, which was my main goal in coming. Stanly talked about me creating "child protection policies" and for days I couldn't get my head around what that meant.

Within less than a week there was a turnaround; which I need to learn to expect. First, I spent some time in Mysore on the weekend; one day having a western day (shopping, pedi, pizza, coffee) and the other day exploring the market that I love and just hanging out with another volunteer. That night I saw one of the most beautiful sights of my life; the Mysore Palace lit up which only happens on Sundays for 40 minutes. it is incredible and pictures will be coming soon on Facebook.

So basically within the week I felt like I could get out of Hootagalli and do things on my own. Plus I had more conversations with Stanly at home and realized that if I truly wanted to learn more about trafficking then most of it was going to happen by talking with him and being apart of his family. I was really comfortable in my space in the home too which I told myself maybe wouldn`t be the case elsewhere. Kumi is also an amazing cook and I realized how lucky I was to get homecooked, amazing meals everyday (more on that later)! As well, over the days I became more connected with the girls at Odanadi who are sweet and lovely girls, the staff as well, and as I got to know more about the organization I came to understand how my child protection background could be helpful. And finally, once I was more settled and got my in-home connection to the internet which was huge, I came to appreciate Hootagalli; the fact that it is out of the city, has no foreigners (apart from me and a friend Nino), and is just real life in India which is something that I love most about this country.

So I will describe an average day..after getting ready, breakfast is ready waiting for me. Everyday is something different, which is the case with every meal of Kumi`s. She makes a plethora of different dishes and they are all delicious. Did I mention that I am a vegetarian here (minus fish)? Yah I'm not that fussy about meat in general and eating it here is more risky. Plus this is a vegetarian paradise so why not..Well Kumi is quite concerned about my eating as she thinks I don't eat nearly enough..what?? Here they eat big portions and of rice and chapati; portions that I just can't manage. I always have to assure her that I am eating enough..which I am, because I love everything she makes. Anyway after breakfast I walk to Odanadi which is a 20 minute walk. People are super friendly and are always saying hi, asking where you are from etc etc. At times I get offers of motorcycle rides, sometimes hugs (that particular case was a little creepy) but normally people are just very excited to have contact with a foreigner and to practice english. It happens everywhere and is one of the most endearing things about India.

At Odanadi I spend the first 2-3 hours with the counsellors. Stanly arranged this for me, which is not something that other volunteers get to do and so I feel very fortunate. The counsellors go through the files of the girls and tell me their stories, while I write a case history for their file which can be used for future volunteers who are staying awhile and are interested in knowing more about them. Volunteers are not allowed to ask the girls about their stories, which I fully support, so these case histories will be helpful for them. This has been hugely interesting to me as I am learning not only about the girls I am connecting with, but about the social issues in India as well. Things are pretty lax with the counsellors so often we are just chatting, but I am always learning something.

I came to understand that Odanadi accepts a huge amount of volunteers; said to be 500 per year; some of whom make arrangements ahead of time and others, about half, are tourists AKA yogis (people practicing yoga) in Gokulam which is world renowned for same. They learn about Odanadi while there and come to volunteer sometimes for a short time and perhaps only for an hour a week. Odanadi is very keen to have volunteers with special skills so welcome anyone for any length of time. So the children are having contact with new people all the time, and people that Odanadi doesn`t know much or anything about. As a result I came to realize that Odanadi needed some policies around how they wanted to run the organization and how volunteers fit into that i.e. what volunteers can and cannot do during their time with the children. Similar policies needed to be done for staff and visitors. Given how vulnerable these children are and the number of people that have contact with them, I started to see what kind of role I could have here. So I have been meeting with staff and volunteers to flush out some information for the policies.

On top of the case histories and child protection policies, a lot of time is spent just socializing with the girls, which I very much enjoy. I realized that I could get enjoyment out of, and feel fulfilled, by something else besides social work stuff, using my skills, and it all being about trafficking. So I did a computer class where I got them comfortable with a laptop and showed them websites like YouTube (a big hit which led to daily non-stop requests to watch more videos). I also did a personal hygeine class which was a lot better when I could show them pictures of lice, gum disease etc on my laptop. Hopefully that will get them brushing their teeth and taking care of their hair! My favourite class was my manicure class which was highly anticipated and very well attended. I bought all the stuff we needed which I will leave here for future, and they had a great time. Self care is a great form of therapy! I've done some English as well and next..I'm going to introduce them to Sudoku and good ol' bingo!

Later afternoon/early evening I head out and often go to my favourite coffee spot in Gokulam, the western area, go to a local chai shop with another volunteer (where no women dare to go) or just go home and catch up on computer stuff. Unfortunately Netflix doesn't work in India so that sucks and makes evenings a litte dull in Hootagalli, but catching up with emails, pictures, and my blog sure keep me occuppied. And dinner is made for me later evening (which is a bit too late as again they want me to eat so much right before bed). Uggh. And they wonder why I don't want breakfast!

While doing the case histories I have learned that most of the current residents at Odanadi have not been trafficked in the way I thought before coming; meaning sex trafficking. I have also learned that trafficking can mean other things like child labour cases where parents have handed over their children to others for loans or due to financial issues. This translates to 13 year old girls not going to school and working as maids, sometimes being physically abused and/or locked in a room while their "owners" go out. Sadly, that is probably one of the softer stories.

I am of course happy that these amazing girls and women have not been horribly victimized; sold into brothels and that sort of thing. On the other hand, I have felt a bit disheartended that this NGO presents itself as an anti-trafficking organization, and one that is housing girls/women who have experienced just that. They certainly have rescued children from trafficking; they are actually working on a rescue right now that I very much wanted to be involved in, but apparently it is too risky having a white girl around, but in terms of current residents, they are girls who have been orphaned, who have family problems such as abuse, forced marriage, they are fleeing domestic violence or have mental heath issues. I know what it is about; trafficking has become such a hot issue in the world; one that garners a lot of interest which brings notariety and funding. But, I feel that they should be more straightforward about who it is that they are really helping rather than just trying to make it sound good.

Anyhow..on to some stories of girls that I have been working with. This won't be a feel good type of post, so feel free to skip it if it isn't your thing. Hopefully it will provide some insight into the issues that are facing children and women in India; primarily those from rural villages, those typically less educated and more traditional in their way of life.

Honeymooning with the Honeymooners

The honeymoon tour group included the newlyweds Sanjeev and Diana, Diana's parents from Colombia, Jose and I, friends Nicole and Brian from Toronto, Gurinder and Rosie from Winnipeg/Toronto (coincidentally Gurinder has a dental practice in Swan River), Trevor and Kelly from Winnipeg. The first day we went to a temple along with Sanjeev's family; a temple where Sanjeev's father had once prayed for him to marry and where he (along with us) were returning to give thanks. And a big thanks was needed as Diana is beautiful; inside and out!

After a boat ride through a bird sanctuary where the highlight for me was seeing crocodiles sunning themselves, we went on to Mysore, a city I had visited 2 years back. There we toured the beautiful Mysore Palace. Fortunately for us (and please note the sarcasm) we were there on a day that every Indian school was touring which meant hundreds of kids; dozens of whom wanted to shake our hand, ask our name and/or take a picture with us which made the audiotape tour a tad difficult. I sure hope I haven't been photoshopped into some Indian porn magazine or something but anything is possible with the amount of pictures that were taken. We also went to the amazing Mysore market that I had fallen in love with the last time. The colours and sights are incredible. In Mysore something else very special happended...my love for banana porridge was reborn which led to a daily morning pursuit of the delicious dish :)

From there we went on (via a 10 seater Tempo Traveller van) to Animilai, a Tiger Reserve where we stayed in rustic tree house style accommodations which are Forestry Dept lodging that Sanjeev was able to arrange through his connections. We were unlucky during our safaris according to Sanjeev, as we didn't see much wildlife. Although there were many bison roaming around which were quite unnerving to those coming home that night after a few drinks! Probably the most exciting wildlife encounter though was the next day when some monkeys got on the roof of the van. Poor Kelly just about had a heart attack when one almost came in through her open window! Good ol' Gurinder chased them off...

From there we went on to Munnar which is higher up, cooler and with beautiful tea estates. We drank delicious tea (I know, big shocker that the tea was good) and meals outside, had a bonfire and the next morning strolled though the tea estates..incredible scenery! I think Munnar was most everyone's favourite of the tour as a result.

Then on Xmas Eve, to Fort Cochin, a quaint port town, where we watched a Cathikali (theatre) performance native to the area followed by a dinner/performances at our hotel. Late night a few of us strolled around by the water and town where I was taken by the beautiful Xmas lights and stars that were lit up everywhere. We were greeted often with "Happy Christmas" which made me wonder why we say "Merry Xmas" rather than "Happy Xmas" when we use Happy for every other occasion? Anyway, I think I'm going to go with Happy Christmas from now on because it sounds nice.

The next morning I could've killed Jose because he got us lost on the way to the internet so we walked all over God's green acre when we had little time to make Xmas calls. The group had a term for someone who got worked up about something and it was called "clenching/clenchy." I can admit that I was clenching that morning which could have been why my ass was killing me which made the walking even worse! :)

That morning we went on to Allepey where we caught our houseboats for the overnight tour of the backwaters of Kerala. I had done this before but this boat was more beautiful than the one I had been on; with 3 bedrooms/full bathrooms, a dining room (AKA dance floor when you have latinos onboard), and an upstairs with chairs and couches to lay on and watch the beautiful view. We cruised the canals, relaxed, ate and drank, while served by our 4 staff. At one point we docked and took a small canoe, exploring some of the smaller channels where we could closely see regular life; women cleaning fish in the river, washing clothes, kids swimming etc. I did feel sorry for the locals though as they have little privacy with all the tourists floating through clicking away. And that night on a boat in the midst of the backwaters..I witnessed the fastest salsa ever..ay yay yay Jose and Diana can dance! What a great night...

Oh how sad to wake up the next morning and leave the boat..but I knew we were moving on to the beautiful Kerala coastal town of Varkala which I had also been to before and loved. I barely recognized it this time though..after tons of development. But no worries, I was still able to find my favourite porridge place that I had remembered for 2 years, and it didn't disappoint! We stayed in Varkala for 2 nights and just strolled around, ate, swam and relaxed. It was lovely apart from the dead dog floating in the water while we were swimming one day. Oh and another day Jose encountered a shirt and shoe in the water which I was worried would follow with a dead body! We all had ayurvedic massages here (a hot oil rub down while buck naked) which I had looked forward to based on past experiences. Some of the group (who shall remain anonymous) paid a bit less and ended up in a shady backlane with nothing covering the table and what I am pretty sure was a gay brothel..unfortunately for me I paid more and didn't have that experience cuz we all know being in a brothel is my dream..but mine could still be described as closer to molestation than a massage..but hey who's complaining :)

Then on our way back to Bangalore we stopped over in Thekaddy. Now it's quite touristy, apparently everyone is there to do an early morning boat cruise into the animal reserve. I had no idea what it was all about and when I found out it involved a 5 a.m. wake up call I tried to back out, that is until Sanjeev, the most calm, relaxed guy I know, got a little snarly, and I caved (along with a couple others). Sorry Sanjeev :)

Well 5 a.m. arrived and the 5 of us walked from our hotel to the front gate of the park where we had 2 tuk tuks waiting from 2 a.m. to hold our place near the start. The line up was craaazy..I was thinking holy geez this must be something amazing with all these people here! So then I find out that after the gate opens at 6, the tuk tuks will take us (or rather race) to another place where we will then have to run to the ticket counter (about 300 metres, which for the record meant nothing to me in terms of distance). And we're being told by the drivers that we have to run fast or we aren't going to get tickets, AND the worst part is you can only get one ticket per person so the pressure was on all of us to get there quick. This was a FML moment for sure as most of you will know how I hate running (flashback to Kenya, me running in my flip flops on a dirt road with a bunch of speedy Kenyans while shots are being fired). Then I hear Rosie is some kind of track star. Holy crap I thought, how am I gonna do this? Anyhoo, the engines start to rev, the drivers are blowing into their hands and concentrating hard on the task at hand and then the gates open...20 plus tuk tuks race through the reserve no doubt sending the animals deep into the forest, overtaking eachother like a Formula One race, random Indians running alongside trying to beat them, a jogger trying to have a peaceful run, and then we stop, barrel out of the tuk tuk, a flood of people running..I'm running with a purse full of shit that I can barely hold up, trying to keep up with Diana's 50 plus year old dad who was filming as usual until Sanjeev yelled to stop filming and run..a woman falling so hard that her pants fell down (and I remember feeling guilty for not stopping but the peer pressure was too intense), and finally.. after a short but very necessary break from running, I made the ticket counter! After a long process of getting tickets, me blocking others from budging in front of me and nervous moments waiting to see if we made it..WE WON!!! We got tickets to the first boat, the best of the day!! Yahoooooo!! So along came 7:30, we put on our big mother life jackets (because of a major boat tragedy years before apparently) and away we went to see....(drum roll please....NOTHING!! Ok ok maybe I am exaggerating..there were a couple of wild boars in the distance and a couple birds, but otherwise, it was a peaceful, uneventful boat cruise of nothing. And coming back you would not believe the loads of people waiting to take the next boat. Poor suckers..Before we even got off the boat the next group, including an old woman, was jumping into the boat to get a good seat (even though they were assigned), and a physical fight broke out between a bunch of people. Pure madness, to see nothing! But, I wouldn't have traded the experience for anything and the others felt the same way :)

After a relaxing day in Bangalore while staying at the same hotel, which now felt like home, a few of us set off for Chennai to celebrate New Years. Jose decided to jam on us as he was done with the long travel days (apparently witnessing near death experiences numerous times a day was too much for him) and we were sad about that, but Diana, her parents, Rosie, Gurinder, and Sanjeev's cousin Suma and her family filled the void of my roomie. It took forever to get there so we basically freshened up quick and headed to Sanjeev's cousin Rekha's house for New Years Eve drinks. Rekha and Jai have a great room for entertaining and the drinks, BBQ and snacks were excellent. Turns out Jai is also a salsa teacher (go figure) so latin music was a plentiful (which we planned to rub in to that jam tart Jose who eats, sleeps and breathes latin music and dance).Then we headed to a bar where we were Big Shots from Montreal as my Grandpa Moshenko would say, in our private room with unlimited drinks and snacks but with access to the jam packed bar where music pumped and an all Indian crowd partied the night away. Now the night is a bit of a blur thanks to Rekha's bright idea of doing a tequila shot (amongst the light rum, dark rum and champagne of the night). I blame that nasty tequila on all subsequent events which I won`t go into, nor do I fully believe. Nah I'm exaggerating..but it was a great time; a memorable New Years in India. I could have done without the hangover the next day when as luck would have it the family had a fuuuullll day of sightseeing planned for us. Thankfully I got in a nap while they visited the crocodile farm which I had seen before :) Near the end of the day we checked out Fisherman`s Cove, an amazing resort area on the beach where we frolicked in the water (nice word, frolick) and just enjoyed the setting. Then a late night trip to Bangalore so we could enjoy a full day of relaxation the following day. Poor Suma stayed awake until 3 a.m. to make sure the driver didn`t fall asleep and kill us all!

A sad thing happened upon our return.. Jose and I separated. There would be no more "what`s the plan??" questions from him the exact second the alarm went off and I opened my eyes, fighting over time in the bathroom, him prancing around in a towel, and too much information about bodily functions. I can admit that I did miss him though and so that day was a great day of catching up after our little break from eachother.

On the group's last day together we went to a family member's so called "farm house." So our caravan headed out and unfortunately on the way one of the cars hit a boy who had darted across the road. This led to a big mob gathering and all of us stopping; fortunately nobody blamed our car as they had seen what the boy had done (and I say this as it is not unusual for people to get beaten if they have caused an accident in India). Some money was given, the boy was to be taken to the hospital and we were on our way. Poor kid...

Now I'm pretty sure you would all have the same picture as me as to what a "farm house" would look like in India..I'm thinking we're going to a rural little farm house with some animals grazing around. So we arrived and first went to the temple (the family's private temple) followed by the home, which is the family's weekend home. Well it turns out that this "farm house" is a huge, multi million dollar private estate, used in movies; in fact a movie was being shot there that night. It was simply beautiful and everything was well thought out in its design. The pool including swim up bar was to die for. I made it known that I would be willing to be adopted into the family (as the couple has no bio children) and was told that rather being a second wife would be an option. Not a bad option given the home I would get out of it, but I decided against it in the end :) Anyway, that was a lovely day with the family.

We gathered at Sanjeev's parents' that night to see Jose off (boo hoo) and I said my goodbyes as well as I was leaving the next morning. I knew this would be hard on me; leaving my friends, having the security of the group and being taken care of by Sanjeev's family as it had all been so wonderful, but I did pretty good that day.. I think in part because of how comfortable I feel in India.

The start of it all..Bangalore wedding festivities

Welcome to my first ever blog!! The following may be more than some of you care to read, but it's here for those of you who are interested, as well as for myself; to refresh memories in years to come. And should I ever decide to write a book, then it is all here!

As I am sure you all know, I quit an amazing Acting Director job at Metis Child, Family and Community Services to go abroad; in part to skip winter (that is no secret) and the other part to do some volunteer work, specifically with the anti human trafficking movement. I chose India this time because I love it and yearned to go back, also because thuman rafficking is such a huge problem there and so there would be many opportunities to get involved, and lastly due to friends, Sanjeev and Diana's wedding. Sanjeev is from India and a group of friends were going out for their wedding followed by a tour of South India. I had already been to some of the places they were going to visit, but having them to travel with and in a place I love was too hard to resist. Plus I was very excited to be a part of a wedding in India.

So the plan was to arrive in India for the wedding, tour with the group through the Xmas holidays and then in the New Year go my own way to volunteer. Towards the end of the trip I planned t go back to Nepal to visit friends from when I volunteered there in 2009, including my prisoner friend Proscovia who remains incarcerated there. The trip would end at the end of April with a return to work in early May.

I left Winnipeg on December 13, 2011, arriving in Bangalore, India after about 28 hours. The time difference is a good 12 hours so it's certainly a challenge to get there and adjust. This time I had a travel partner, Jose, an El Salvadorian-Winnipegger who would be my roommate for a few weeks. In true Crystal fashion I told him that we couldn't talk during our plane journey or we wouldn't have anything to talk about during our 3 weeks together. Thankfully we had separate seats and didn't waste all of the conversation because we had some great talks/debriefings at the end of our days. And I didn't even have to harass him to do so, although he did seem to prefer to chat over whiskey...not sure what to make of that :)

So Bangalore is the home city of our friend Sanjeev, whose wedding we were coming for. Bangalore first struck me as very developed and less chaotic than other Indian cities I've been to, like Delhi, where on my first trip to India I arrived there late at night and was overwhelmed by the tons of people, cars and noise. But, no worries, all of the noise arrived early morning..thank goodness for earplugs!

The first days in Bangalore involved meeting/visiting/eating with Sanjeev's family, greeting other Canadian friends who were arriving, and taking in the pre-wedding ceremonies; all part of the Hindu custom. The whole event was such an amazing cultural experience; I feel very fortunate to have experienced it.

The first ceremony was a Haldi ceremony for Sanjeev, where family and friends rubbed tumeric paste on him as a type of purification in preparation for the wedding. There were other offerings as well such as fruit and rice that they sprinkled on his head. Afterward we had an amazing South Indian meal which was on a banana leaf and with various dishes dropped on it by the `caterer`guys. I thought the food would never stop coming, and as a joke told them that Jose wanted more when they would come by even though he was also ready to burst. That would be why Sanjeev calls me `dewa` which means devil in his language ``kannada.`` :)

The next ceremony was the `mehendi`ceremony where the bride Diana, a Colombian-Winnipegger, received her henna tatoos. Two men were hired to draw the intricate designs on her hands/arms while friends and family watched and of course ate more food., All of us Canadian girls got designs as well which was really cool. 3 weeks later I still have remnants of them. Corrine, if you are reading this, this will remind you of the time in rez when you dyed my hair with henna without gloves and it took weeks for it to come off, LMAO!

The last ceremony was the haladi for Diana which was the same as what had been done for Sanjeev days before. And yet again more delicious food. All of the ceremonies were in different houses of Sanjeev`s family and they were all wonderful hosts. We were truly treated like royalty..I can't say enough about how lovely they were.

In between the ceremonies we took a day trip to a refuge for dancing bears. The organization is called Wildlife SOS which you should definitely check out. For hundreds of years a certain group of people in India have bought sloth bear cubs from poachers and then trained them to dance for money on the street. I won't go into the gruesome details but they weren't treated well and are now protected by the government. These bears are so sweet and are now able to roam freely on this reserve for the rest of their lives. It is quite the operation with vets and staff who know the bears by name and give them excellent care. It was a sad but touching experience and a cause that I will continue to support.

Now the wedding...On the big day we all got dressed in our beautiful sarees; mine of course was purple and I loved it. Sanjeev`s sister in law Anu lent it to me and was very concerned about how it looked. I think it was wrapped 3 times before it was on right and throughout the day I would see her stern look and quick hand readjusting me. I started calling her `boss`after that. The wedding ceremony was filled with rituals, and coconuts, rice, and flowers were plentiful. Close family and the Canadian contingent got to stand up on stage surrounding Sanjeev and Diana so we got to see it all. For not knowing the language or understanding the traditions Diana was a real trooper during all that. And after that.. more food!

There was a more casual cocktail party the next day but here was no going hard for us as we were leaving on our tour the next morning.

Next post..the post wedding tour around South India...